Only in Waitrose

Overheard in Waitrose. Says darling a lot. Parody account. Customer Service requests will be met with sarcasm.

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

A Tesco delivery? In our village? Absolutely not.

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘Our local Waitrose had a fire. I didn’t know what to do. I’ve had to go to Sainsbury’s.’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘If Tom proposes to me at Christmas, my god, I would feel so humiliated. Out in the open for all and sundry to gawp.’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘I’m going to end up single, in an apartment by myself being terrorised by cats at this rate.’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘Well if it wasn’t for Ocado jumping ship, I wouldn’t be stood here, queuing and moving at the speed of a tortoise. I am furious.’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘Darling, peanuts...?’
‘For the squirrels dear’
‘Oh, you are good’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘If Tom proposes to me at Christmas, my god, I would feel so humiliated. Out in the open for all and sundry to gawp.’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘Mummy, best not buy that, Aunt Sicily said sauvignon blanc is for common people.’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘I don’t know what he’s getting me for Christmas, but unless it comes in a brown box and has Louis Vuitton written all over it, I’m not interested.’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘A million for the entire apartment? Wait... it isn’t affordable housing, is it?’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘M&S only stock Epoisse cheese in halves so I came specifically for a full one and now you’re telling me it’s out of stock? Get me the manager.’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘Terribly embarrassing but this is my routine for when I’m having a lazy one and end up eating like an utter pig’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘I think it’s outrageous that in 2019 I’m still being served instant coffee on flights’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘Don’t get me wrong, I care about the environment and all that but no supermarket is going to convince me to cart around containers like an old camel’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘Don’t get me wrong, I care about the environment and all that but no supermarket is going to convince me to cart around containers like an old camel’

[Essex & Suffolk Water @ESWH2O]

Great stuff from @waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose with their trial of refillable containers for your shopping. Could prove an exciting new step forward in reducing waste in packaging!
#PlasticPollution

https://t.co/M1s6s2NjUk

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘I think it’s outrageous that in 2019 I’m still being served instant coffee on flights’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘So I’ve decided that the theme for the new house is going to be forests.’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘Darling don’t slump like that, you have the posture of a gorilla’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

To checkout assistant when asked if she’d like a bag:

‘Well what do you think? Do I look like I need a bloody bag?’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

‘£3 for a bit of sourdough? It’s bloody fools gold.’

[Only in Waitrose @OnlyInWaitrose]

Mum to her two kids (aged around 7): ‘What type of bread would you like to dip into your mussels?’

Via. @Mike_Banks