jess

my love language is being a sarcastic little bitch

[jess @OnlyPhanatics]

They just opened the trophy case that holds their Lombardis

[NewsWire @NewsWire_US]

Eerie scenes in Dallas as dust from the West blankets the city.

[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

Can’t even imagine what might have caused this

[jess @OnlyPhanatics]

Staying awake

[Tulsi Gabbard RV Q🇺🇲 @TulsiGabbardRVQ]

Can you name one thing Joe Biden did better than Trump? What say you?

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

@JayTC53 And Go Birds

[jess @OnlyPhanatics]

When people try to say Taylor swift didn’t fake her southern accent on her debut album I just know they never heard someone from Berks County talk

[pengwynn @pengwyndolin]

you can tell when someone is from pennsylvania because they’ll speak with an accent and cadence you’ve never heard before in your entire life

[Andy Cortez (didn't pay for the blue check) @TheAndyCortez]

Ohhh look at me I'm New York City. I have an awesome basketball team with likeable players and a mayor that cares about making life better for every citizen man fuck you

[Phillies Tailgate @PhilsTailgate]

The Phillies are 23-7 against the San Diego Padres since “That’s What’s In” came out!

[Headquarters @HQNewsNow]

Marco Rubio literally one day ago: “I've never seen Trump fall asleep. On the contrary, the guy doesn’t sleep.”

[jess @OnlyPhanatics]

There’s been two accidents in my neighborhood this week where cars end up on the sidewalk so I’m just not gonna walk anywhere for the foreseeable future

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

I know it’s become pretty cliche and cringey to talk about at this point but if you’re under like 25 I cannot stress enough how one time Obama wore a tan suit and people spent a week arguing over whether or not it was demeaning to the Oval Office and they were serious about it.

[kai @kaiw0102]

do you think the people in the comments will ever realize that people like them are the reason this month exists

[. @nicoonamii]

normal artists: hey! me and this movie collaborated on a song and i can’t wait for you to hear it!

jigsaw in a blonde wig

[jess @OnlyPhanatics]

@Eagles I haven’t emotionally recovered from last season so I can wait

[jess @OnlyPhanatics]

@AlyssaSooner He’s not gonna see this you dumb bitch

[jess @OnlyPhanatics]

He sucks so much

[Pop Crave @PopCrave]

Morgan Wallen flips his piano onstage in Denver after a technical issue mid-performance.

[jess @OnlyPhanatics]

Freddie Freeman retire plz

[jess @OnlyPhanatics]

He looks like an actor they’d cast to play a young Bryan Colangelo in a biopic

[Shams Charania @ShamsCharania]

Just in: Cleveland Cavaliers general manager Mike Gansey has agreed to become the new President of Basketball Operations for the Philadelphia 76ers, sources tell ESPN. Gansey -- who rose the ranks within the Cavaliers front office since joining in 2011-12 -- now lands the top executive position in Philadelphia.

[MLFootball @MLFootball]

🚨BREAKING: ABDUL CARTER AGAIN WENT OFF ON JAXSON DART FOR INTRODUCING DONALD TRUMP.

“Some things are bigger than football. This is one of those things”

“If he chooses to align with Trump, it’s my responsibility to show the world that I stand against it”

[🐙🐙🐙 @PAturnpikefan]

Hilarious pinned+hacked tweet combo

[kelsey mckinney @mckinneykelsey]

i'm sorry but i like when pitchers have to hit

[jess @OnlyPhanatics]

I apologize for anything rude I’ve ever said about Ben Davis, I was not familiar with his game

[BetRivers Sportsbook @BetRivers]

2⃣5⃣ years ago today:

The Padres’ Ben Davis breaks up Curt Schilling’s perfect game on a drag bunt ⚾️