Open Mic Comic

I'm awesome. When's everyone gonna agree?

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Tylenol autism autism Tylenol autism Tylenol Tylenol Tylenol autism autism Tylenol autism autism autism autism autism Tylenol autism

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I am irrationally upset by the abundance of Jurassic Park films.

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A Starbucks order can be exceptionally long.

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I hate how this guy keeps interrupting and ruining the show; better ask him 90 questions…

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In the past, children were parented differently.

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I still pretend I see kids on leashes.

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The guy who shot the healthcare CEO has unusually thick eyebrows.

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Luigi is the name of both the shooter and the popular Nintendo character.

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When I’m told the bar show has an intermission…

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The political text messages were excessive.

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Labor Day but the play on words is about being pregnant or going into labor somehow lol I thought of that.

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A lady break danced poorly at the Olympics.

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Redo the flier for the show so it looks like you’re headlining.

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Tell the female half of the couple, “blink if you’ve been kidnapped.”

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That club books me because I’m funny and NOT for my free labor.

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Did you overbook your show again? Better start it late.

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Cancer can be a great play on words meaning both the disease and the zodiac sign.

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Kamala Harris can be intentionally confused with deceased wrestler Kamala The Ugandan Giant, especially since Hulk Hogan who wrestled Kamala, not Kamala, can be used to aid this gag.

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Biden retiring at 81 like most Americans, do you get it? I thought of that.

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I have a comical suggestion for Joe Biden’s replacement.