Ordinary James Bond

It's not all globetrotting. My days are mostly spent at the office. Spreadsheets, meetings etc. The air-con's shit and drys out my skin. Q is a dick.

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

Some mornings after are a bit more awkward than others.

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@primevideouk You're not the first: https://t.co/X4cjryzpXp

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

As a neutral, this has been a nice introduction to the sport. #bbcnfl

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@AuntCunt Rawr!!! But not in a creepy way. Like, in a cool way. A way that makes you blush, not reach for mace.

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@primevideosport Not the 4-4 cup match then in '91, no?

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@craiguito Ooops, sorry about all the foam.

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@HumphreyBogart Pretty good, huh!

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

#addshittoaclassicmoviequote Here's looking at you, shit.

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

#addshittoaclassicmoviequote You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and shit.

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@AuntCunt What about the third hal..... Wait. Shit. I knew I should have stayed in school.

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@ravenbookstore I live 2 doors up from a pub called the Raven. They've a fake one on the bar. At least I think it's fake. If it's not, it's the record holder for playing statues.

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@ImNathanBennett @IamHappyToast This is what the internet should be used for!!

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@Krisikins Maybe it got murdered and dumped somewhere? Sounds like an episode of Hummuside: Life on the Street.

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@primevideouk @PrimeVideo @primevideouk How far into Google can you type Tirnanoc before Tír na nÓg is displayed? @CarnivalRow

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

Currently trapped in a toilet stall at Stansted. Walked in, closed and locked the door (I'm a stickler for tradition) then noticed the toilet was full to the brim. I'm now unable to leave in case anyone thinks it was me. I just need a single moment where everyone fucks off.

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@AuntCunt I thought the rule on Twitter was that other people make those decisions for you? Goddamnit. If people start deciding about themselves it'll be carnage!!!

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@Art_Relatable @AuntCunt I'm assuming it just opened the ark of the covenant.

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@Scientits

[News of the Surge @NewsOTS]

#GameofThrones #GameofThronesseason8episode3 #BattleOfWinterfell https://t.co/iRifwSCSoW

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

@AuntCunt This one's kinda spiralled, hasn't it. 😂😂

[Ordinary James Bond @OrdinaryBond]

They've swapped out the doors at work for heavier ones. Now, when I try to open them using the same amount of force I used to, I just end up crumpling into them. #realworldproblems