Orgasm Man

Here's the thing. You don't think you need me but you can't live without me. I will fucking rock your world 140 characters at a time.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Sexting with an illiterate is always a great idea.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

New word I just invented: Fapulous, adj, someone that is fabulous to fap to. Ex: Your mom looks fapulous in that dress dude.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Serious question people - I need to know the sexiest finger food and I need to know QUICK. Chicken fingers or cucumber sandwiches?

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Just so you know - I make it wetter and harder than a water level.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Awwww yeah, I'm back my pretties.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Dear @ericsundy I was busy with your mother. She required my immediate and intense focus.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Finally! I get to royally help out! Haven't done the deed in BUCKingham Palace in YEARS! #PrincessKateFTW

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

I pulled a different kind of lever today and voted. It was still sexy.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Oh my god, I've been asleep for days! I would like to apologize to the world for the massive blue balls I must have given you all! #sorry

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

It's Friday. Let's do this properly. I'll bring the video camera. You bring the ping pong balls and lighter fluid.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Welcome to the club, Dakota Fanning.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Folks, I'll work with your fetishes but don't go overboard on the specifics. I can't recreate Sailor Moon as a Victorian housewife. Come'on!

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Just got a new butter knife! Tonight is gonna be cra-azy.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Help a brother out: is having sex with a ghost necrophilia? I don't need to know soon, but I do need to know. Don't ask questions.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Guys, I work science, not fucking magic. I can't do anything for this guy. RT @itmademyday jbodden6977′s IMMD http://bit.ly/ap5mrh

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Actually turned an all-girl sleep over into a lesbian orgy. Sometimes my job sucks. #yesitreallydoeshappen #askyourgf #shelllie

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

One of my favorite things about this job is the way Christine O'Donnell's eye twitches before masturbating. She's a sweetie.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Wanna know what I ℒℴѵℯ? It involves a recent French female graduate, a bottle of botox, and an afternoon of Golden Girl reruns. #sigh

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

Drinking at Orgasm Man HQ to celebrate a new baby. Yep, this seems right to me.

[Orgasm Man @OrgasmMan]

@heatherteegee Hey, calm down. I believe you. All I'm saying is they don't call Jake Delhomme "Donkey" for nothing. #lockerroomchitchat