Proud Mum of Oliver & Harry who has Goldenhar syndrome & Autism. Author of Our Altered Life. Mentor to mums whose children have a disability or diagnosis
In May 1860, she kissed her six children goodbye. She thought about the dinner she would cook later. She thought about the laundry. She thought about the quiet life of a mother in Illinois.
She had no idea that when the front door clicked shut, it would stay locked for three long years.
Her husband, Theophilus Packard, was a respected minister. To the neighbors, he was a man of God. But inside their home, he was a man who could not stand a wife who thought for herself. Elizabeth Packard liked to read.
She liked to debate religion. She had her own opinions about life and faith. In the 19th century, for a woman to have a brain was considered a danger.
Theophilus decided to end the argument once and for all. He didn’t need a crime. He didn't need a witness. In those days, the law in Illinois said a man could commit his wife to an insane asylum without any evidence or a public hearing. He simply had to say she was "disturbed."
One morning, a group of men arrived at her home. They didn't listen to her logic. They didn't care about her tears. They dragged her away to the Jacksonville Insane Asylum. Elizabeth was 43 years old, perfectly sane, and suddenly a prisoner.
When she entered the asylum, she expected to see people who needed medical help. Instead, she found a warehouse of "inconvenient" women. There were wives who had argued with their husbands about money. There were daughters who refused to marry men they didn't love. There were women who were simply too loud or too independent.
"This is not a hospital," Elizabeth realized. "It is a cage for the unwanted."
The doctors tried to break her spirit. They told her that if she just admitted her husband was right and she was wrong, she could go home. They wanted her to say she was crazy for wanting her own thoughts. Elizabeth looked them in the eye and said, "I cannot buy my liberty by a lie."
She didn’t give up. Instead, she started to write. She hid scraps of paper in the linings of her clothes. She tucked notes under floorboards. She recorded every abuse, every scream in the night, and every story of the women around her. She became a secret journalist inside a living nightmare.
After three years, she was finally released, but her husband locked her in a room at home. He planned to move her to another asylum in a different state. This time, Elizabeth’s friends helped her get a message to a judge.
A trial was finally ordered to determine if she was actually insane.
The courtroom was packed. Theophilus was confident. He brought "experts" to say that her religious doubts proved her mind was broken. But then, Elizabeth stood up.
She didn't shout.
She spoke with the calm power of the truth. She explained her beliefs. She showed the jury that having a different opinion is not a disease.
The jury only needed seven minutes. They came back with a single word: Sane.
Elizabeth walked out as a free woman, but she found that her husband had taken everything. He had sold their furniture, taken her money, and disappeared with their children. She was alone and penniless.
Most people would have disappeared into the shadows. Elizabeth did the opposite. She spent the next forty years traveling the country. She stood before the legislature and demanded new laws.
She said, "A woman's mind is her own, and the law must protect it."
Because of her, states changed their laws. They made it illegal to lock a person away without a fair trial and a medical exam. She turned her private pain into a public shield for thousands of other women.
She proved that even if you take away a woman’s home, her money, and her children, you can never truly take away her voice.
4 million women are on OnlyFans.
“OMG Society is doomed”
But no one talks about the 240 million men paying for it.
Everyone’s judging the supply… no one’s questioning the demand.
Just heard a mum say to another
"we're going on holiday next week, not a proper holiday, just Weymouth in a caravan, I can't afford more"
Isn't it sad that this has become not a holiday. When I was a kid you'd be thrilled at this! Plus her kids will probably love it so much
Suicide.
I'm choosing to be deliberately blunt and provocative in this post because it's necessary. Government, charities, football clubs are all pushing water up a hill in highlighting what is undoubtedly a major health crisis.
You take a rope.
You put it up in a garage or a tree nearby or far away.
You're thinking about every loved one you'll leave behind as you put that rope around your neck.
Then you drop.
Some are decapitated.
Some aren't.
All are found by someone who has a lifetime of trauma that will never leave them.
A son.
A daughter.
A brother.
A sister.
A mother.
A father.
I know 2 men who hung themselves.
One was found by his Mom.
One was found by his brother.
Neither have recovered fully. 20 and 30 years on.
A life sentence for people who were already worrying, terrified their loved one may do something.
So just visualise the above and ask, "is there another way"?
A segway for a moment.
I do a few Q&A's every year. Tales of yesterday with a 99% male audience of my age group.
After the stories and fun, my last question back to the audience is..
"Hands up if you struggle with a mental health issue".
Nobody ever puts a hand up. Despite 1 in every 3 of 500 attendees statistically struggling.
"Ah, nobody, that's fucking brilliant! Well I do! ". I then graphically tell people, stunned into silence about how a rope around my neck in the middle of nowhere jolted me to go home and cry like a baby to my Mom.
After the Q&A has finished, something always happens. I'll be chatting to a few guys, saying bye and one by one, men will come over and whisper " I struggle".
Or my mailbox the next day will have 30 emails from guys, their partners or kids saying " Dad/Uncle /Brother was there last night and what you said hit them hard".
And that's how some people realise that it's time to speak to a pal or family member or even rant to me in an email. It works, I often get a follow up email a year or 6 later saying that they took responsibility for their suicidal feelings and are now flying.
Humans are programmed to want to live, to have families and to keep the species growing and thriving. So for a human to want to short circuit that desire isn't normal, and it should never be spoken of as normal. It's the ultimate red flag.
If you suspect your mate, Dad, Brother, Uncle is struggling mentally, they deserve your intervention.
They deserve a " are you OK, please tell me what's up".
They deserve an opportunity to get past wanting to hang a rope over a tree or in a garage and slowly struggle until they die and you find them.
If you've been there and trust me I have plenty, then you'll know that text out of the blue, or a footie mate or one of your kids asking jow you are can open the curtains to some sunshine.
Because when suicide is your only answer, the room is already dark, and you can't see a way out.
So please, fucking pretty please, ask that husband, Dad, Uncle, Cousin, footie pal TODAY how they are.
You may be shocked what comes back but extremely glad that you asked.
For those who struggle, you're not alone.
@MartinSLewis When I worked in a bank, a man asked me to count the notes to him really quietly as he didn’t want people to know how much cash he had. I remembered that and did the same for every other customer.
Gigi is the most beautiful, precious little girl. Her death was entirely preventable, due to unsafe sleeping arrangements at nursery. Her wonderful Mum & friend of mine, Katie, is campaigning for safer nursery environments. Please share #campaignforgigi
https://t.co/EuOQKwoabA
Join me and the fabulous Beth, as we give some practical advice and strategies to make life easier for everyone!
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