Dave Cornmell

Husband, dad, Evertonian, copywriter, idiot.
Author of 364 Days of Tedium and Big Daft Fish.

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@elonmusk Ian, when are you going to Mars?

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@estellecostanza Ian is a bad wool. His space ship’s shite as well.

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@SkyNews 😂🤣😂🤣 see you then, Ian

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@LivEchoEFC Probably sprained his thumb doing it, the fat get.

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

These missions can’t be that impossible. Tom Cruise has done about 10 of them. #missiondifficult

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

You’d think Prince William, a man whose family own many, multiple bedroomed mansions/castles/homes would find it easier than most to solve the homelessness crisis.

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@DeadlineDayLive A fucking centre forward.

[Frankie Boyle Updates @frankieboyle]

The option of welcoming refugees, allowing them to work, and using the increased tax base to care for our aging population, is almost never mentioned in British public life.

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

Is Sunak really saying he’s principled because he resigned from government? Yes, but only after enabling Johnson and being one of his most vocal supporters pre and post election wins. Utter gobshite.

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

If Putin goes, who will replace him?

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@BBCNews Yes, every time they ride past a homeless person in their dirty big gold horse-drawn carriage.

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

Just finished putting some garden furniture together after hours of swearing at washers and Allen keys, so yes of course it’s now decided to start pissing raining. 💦😕

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@TheFigen_ We called this “Best Man Dead.”

We played this all the time when I was a kid.

The celebrity version of which would be a sure-fire ratings hit:

“Up next it’s former MP Nadine Dorries, and she’s going to be shot in a drive by with an Uzi…”

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@bluekippercom No. He will eat all the Scouse Pies and get sent off loads. He’s a Poundshop Rondon. Last.

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@EFCdaily_ @PSierraR 26? What; stone? He’s a useless pudding with at least three red cards a season in him. Worse than Mopay.

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@bluekippercom

[John Crace @JohnJCrace]

Man with no interest in Uxbridge quits Uxbridge

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@BBCSport Knockout European Champions League? With just the champions of each country? That’d cut down the fixtures a bit.

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

@LivEchoEFC Yay!

[Dave Cornmell @Our_Dave]

Have a horrible feeling Weghurst will be the first of Dyche’s signings.

And so the depression of season 23/24 begins.