NHL Outsider

Your 374,353rd source for NHL news. I've been told my insight is worse than David Clarkson's contract and less accurate than John Scott's slapshot.

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A lot of rematches from recent years in these playoffs. Wings v. Bolts, Sharks v. Kings, Hawks v. Blues, Oilers and Leafs v. golf course...

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Montreal regrets their decision to watch Titanic as a team, as they were a little too inspired by something sinking so fast in the Atlantic.

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Columbus has been delayed in leaving Edmonton as they are still searching for pieces of their equipment in the rafters from McDavid's goal.

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People need to settle down about Jays fans throwing garbage on the field. Leafs management has been throwing it on the ice for years now.

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Being told that Connor McDavid was a disappointment tonight. Failed to walk on water, cure cancer, or bring the dead back to life.

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Johnny Oduya's contract with the Stars has an AAV of $3.75M, but increases by $1M every time the Stars use his last name in a terrible pun.

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Toronto is now offering a free water bottle and t-shirt as part of a Phaneuf deal. Arizona interested if they can also throw in an arena.

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The Red Wings will be short on the blueline to start the season after a team field trip to Jurassic Park went wrong

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Rumour has it Kessel would have rather been traded to Ottawa. He was quoted saying "I wanted to play where they throw hamburgers at you."

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Rumours that Pierre McGuire will sign in Antarctica. His role will be no different, as he will continue to obsess over penguins.

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The Leafs have become desperate and have now listed Dion Phaneuf on EBay. Despite the promise of free shipping, still no takers.

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.@Jodes97 @kahmad92 My sources indicate Verizon, but I cannot confirm at this time

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People from Columbus are equally confused about the Saad trade, as they have just learned that Columbus has an NHL team.

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Blackhawks bandwagoners have been confused by the trade of Brandon Saad, as they were unaware the team had players not named Toews or Kane.

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BREAKING: Cody Franson has signed a new 2 year contract. It includes unlimited texting, data and nationwide calls. Oh you thought I meant...