@RealPussyMaker I use devices from @houseofdenial, they’re fantastic quality, and very reasonable on price. I use the Holy Trainer V5 nub. Its virtually inescapable, while being comfortable for long term wear.
You can have a job, friends and a working life and still be submissive at the core. The tell is simple. You calm down when you are allowed to follow. You light up when your effort lands and he is satisfied. Serving is not a humiliation you endure. It is the act that makes you feel correctly placed. That placement is the soul.
Stop calling it a kink. It is permanent. You keep falling back and you keep coming back. You cannot get out. This is simply your life now. What you actually want is to be fully controlled and fully owned. You need a man who makes the decisions, watches from the shadows, and manages every step you take. Privacy disappears. Freedom disappears with it.