philip

Mistakes don't lead to progress. Admitting they're mistakes does.

[philip @PBlisst]

I hate actually being sick on a sick day

[philip @PBlisst]

For shits and giggles I looked at my Fallout 4 game time...
I need help.

[philip @PBlisst]

If you talk through an entire film everyone in the theatre deserves to spit on you when it ends.

[philip @PBlisst]

My newest and most expensive addition to my collection.

[Danny DeVito @DannyDeVito]

Danny DeVito Is Feeling the Bern, Despises ‘Disgusting’ Donald Trump https://t.co/XOk3adIOuh via @thedailybeast

[philip @PBlisst]

@abbyrosenueve reasons I love you

[philip @PBlisst]

Just learned my doctor's middle name is Dickerson.

[philip @PBlisst]

I actually want Arizona to win, but Palmer is trying to throw this game away.

[philip @PBlisst]

If I had said my mom, would they try to call and contact her?
I was obviously there alone.

[philip @PBlisst]

I'm 23 and my dentist asked me if I or my mother would be paying for my checkup.

[philip @PBlisst]

@abbyrosenueve please???!

[philip @PBlisst]

@abbyrosenueve I use both hands but whatever lol

[philip @PBlisst]

Buying condoms isn't awkward until you run into a friend and condoms are the only thing in your cart.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

"I don't want to scare the gun people..." thought the President, introducing laws that would prevent KIDS GETTING KILLED.

[philip @PBlisst]

I've cleaned my room, gone to lunch, and come back; and this fucking fat cat has not moved.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

I just saw Santa at a Costco buying a case of Red Bull and he was muttering "I can't DO this anymore" over & over & over.

[philip @PBlisst]

My neighbor is, not asking, screaming to her dogs, "DID YOU ENJOY YOUR COOKIE!!!"
And the words seem sincere...
but she's so angry.

[philip @PBlisst]

@abbyrosenueve @cathygumila Hey, he's just a stand up business man with an eye and balding problem trying to find his way.

[philip @PBlisst]

@BriErnst9 I don't understand how people will scream at someone unjustly, then just walk off without at least acknowledging they're wrong.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

"I am SO not excited about the new Star Wars m--"

*a thousand Hells Angels ride up and start blowing him he's so cool