94

CEO, Tabcorp Fine Art

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I am thrilled to accept the role of CEO at Tabcorp Fine Art.

Thanks for the opportunity, @TaborRobak!

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Thrilled to see such talented colleagues join a new team. Congrats!

[Erik @EriksNFTArt]

Finally added some @TaborRobak to my vault. Did I make the right choice?

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@EriksNFTArt @TaborRobak Welcome!

[m4nu @m44444nu]

Whose @Tabcorp_HR wallet is this? Dude’s got a solid Someone’s Son collection.

[0xd @0xd_eth]

After Mr Suns baseless allegations towards TabCorp and it’s employees, I need to provide some clarity.

I am a Warehouse Picker for TabCorp.
There are eight of us on the team page.

Seven are humans with varying degrees of hairline recession; one is a chrome-plated killbot with a flawless blonde wig and broken glasses.

Our "TabCorp" ecosystem has a market cap of $1 million. It consists entirely of circular loans between the board members' private foundations and a shell company registered to a mailbox in the Cayman Islands.

We launched it forty-five minutes before the Corporate Transparency Act was repealed. We make jokes about the holder count all the time.

I designed the distance between the CEO and the balance sheet. The distance is my finest achievement. I am the reason these events are unrelated.

The Ecosystem of Unrelatedness

TabCorp sends 75 cents of every dollar to Legacy Holdings LLC. That is the Chairman’s family trust. Zero capital contributed. Zero liability assumed.

I wrote this into the "Platinum Protocol." Page 84. The lawyers bound it in recycled vellum made from shredded NDAs from landfill #3 during a routine inspection. The binding cost more than the internal audit.

• 07788 (IT Support) is a sentient robotic skull. He was built using parts from a decommissioned high-frequency trading server that "vanished" during a flash crash. He is now our Chief Security Officer. These events are unrelated.

• 09013 (Garbage Man) is our Head of Sustainability. He previously worked for a waste management firm that was investigated for dumping medical waste into a protected wetland. The investigation was closed the same day he joined our board, taking over the responsibility of landfill #3. These events are unrelated.

• 07798 (Blacksite Operative) is our Director of Human Resources. He wears camouflage face paint to the office. He was a character witness for a private military contractor whose legal fees were paid for by a TabCorp subsidiary. These events are unrelated.

I track the unrelatedness on a holographic dashboard. The dashboard has 14 columns now, including one for "Plausible Deniability" and another for "Geopolitical Synchronicity." I am very proud of the dashboard.

Organizational Efficiency

The team page lists 07800 as the Office Manager. He is 19 years old and the nephew of the Secretary of Commerce. He testified that he "does not recall" ever seeing a ledger. That is organizational efficiency.

05886 is our Chief Investment Officer. His title is "Professional Golfer." He spends 340 days a year at a resort owned by the company. He manages the $4 billion pension fund. The pension fund is currently invested 90% in TabCorp's own stock. The stock is currently being used as collateral for a loan to build a new resort. The resort is mortaged twice to buy more stock, but these events are unrelated.

09412 (Trucker) runs our logistics. He was recently pardoned for a federal racketeering charge. The pardon was signed by a man who received a "Community Impact Award" from TabCorp's charitable arm the following week. These events are unrelated.

The Dynamic Future

A shareholder asked why the annual report was just a 400-page PDF of the CEO’s vacation photos. I told him the company was experiencing "Narrative-Driven Transparency." He asked what that meant. I sent him the Platinum Protocol. He said he couldn't read it because it was written in 2-point font. I told him his inability to read was a "Dynamic Market Condition."

We sell coffee mugs that say "IT’S A PUMP AND DUMP BUT WE’RE FLOOR SWEEPING THE GAS" for $65. The revenue goes to the Chairman’s legal defense fund. It’s ironic merchandise.

The dividends fund the shell companies. The shell companies fund the lobbyists. The lobbyists fund the deregulation. The deregulation funds the expansion. The expansion funds the bonuses. The bonuses fund the Chairman. The Chairman signs the checks for the lawyers.

This is pure, unrelated synergy.

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@Brantoshi @Tabcorp_HR Welcome, Keith! My door’s always open if anything I can help with.

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Welcome, @D3lMundos

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@D3lMundos @Tabcorp_HR Welcome! 🤝

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@m44444nu @Tabcorp_HR 👀

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@0xruckus 👌

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@Token_Blaster @Tabcorp_HR Welcome! 🤝

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@graceb_art Took a couple of weeks out. Excited to be back!

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Thrilled to be back in the office next week after an extended mini-break with the family.

Thanks everyone for manning the fort in my absence.

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Fantastic to see workers having fun, while getting the job done.

[DrNickNFT @dr_nicknft]

@Tabcorp_HR It was only after doing this scene for the third time that I realised the drinks were genuine Tabortinis, respect to the production team!

[L’BANK @Lbank_]

Me & my work

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@verse_works

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@verse_works

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🙌🥂🤝

[Human Resources @Tabcorp_HR]

🏆 Employee of The Month goes to @m44444nu
https://t.co/ljF5asTNg6

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@dr_nicknft Understood with sincere apologies. I’m grateful for your commitment to the job - in and out of the office. It does not go unnoticed.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

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@m44444nu @Tabcorp_HR @PrimoDerp @Pixeldreams_art @Caroni74164024 @EHS_Reg5828 @wichawt @HorseFvck @Sonoflasg @TaborRobak @serc1n @beeple @m44444nu & @PrimoDerp - appreciate your good work last week, but kindly refrain from smoking on the premises.

Many thanks,
94

[wichawt @wichawt]

Me & my work

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@PrimoDerp You took Tabstroamphetamine?!? Explains why you were out of it the entire trip.

🤦

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Thrilled to be back in the office next week after an extended mini-break with the family.

Thanks everyone for manning the fort in my absence.