Jo

Got Postnatal Depression with Baby No 3.

The Baby just turned 8.
Depression stuck with me.

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

Once again I am trying another form of treatment. Once again it feels like my only chance left. Once again I feel like I should end my life if this doesn't work. Once again I feel like I am not strong enough to make it work. Once again I feel like failing. Once again...

[Candace D. @DiaryofaSickGrl]

Chronic illness grief can be ongoing because it’s not a one time event. The “event” continues…oftentimes for the rest of your life.

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

How to accept a course of illness if there is no recovery?
When everyone expects you to improve, including yourself (by finally learning to live with it)?
While having to live with it continuously means nothing else but decline?

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

I was just about to read @dooce 's book, The Valedictorian of Being Dead...

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

I can't kill myself tomorrow because...
...I have a dentist appointment. (Ha!)

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

I can't kill myself today because...
...it's the birthday of a friend's daughter.

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

I just hate it to be so ill that being suicidal becomes somewhat normal. I know what to do - take this pill, says one doctor; let me know immediately, says the other; there is this number you can call anytime; turn up at the emergency department they will see you in the system...

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

@TWLOHA Thank you. I needed to read this today. xx

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

@DrSdeG THANK YOU! I'll try.

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

Haven't really been on here for quite a while. Although I would have had plenty to share. Guess all time and energy was needed to survive in real life...

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

@DrSdeG Thanks a lot for your reply. Very much appreciated! It is a very hard time right now. My therapist suggested to get myself admitted earlier (next ECT is on 8th Feb) and I emailed my hospital psychiatrist last night to ask if the start of VNS could be causing higher suicidality...

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

And for his time of course, on a Saturday...

Now it is still my thoughts I have to fight but I am way too exhausted to do anything. Except for waiting for the sleep to come and overwhelm me. And hope that tomorrow is a better day and I might be able to forget about today.

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

Anyway, he realised something was not quite alright so he called me and we ended up chatting until I was over the worst I guess and ready to return back home. I am thankful - that he didn't call police or anything and gave me the chance to stop voluntarily...

[Rosey @PNDandMe]

Tonight's #PNDHour 8-9pm we will be looking at barriers to seeking help and what can be done to resolve/challenge these! Please RT x

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

It's so hard to keep going.

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

@DrSdeG You look great! I really like the shape of your glasses!

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

After receiving treatment I should feel better.
I do. Maybe. A little. Sometimes. Somehow.

I feel ungrateful for not being sure. For not being satisfied.

[Jo @PNDwithNo3]

@HZiauddeen From a patient's perspective the most important things you can do is what you mention at the end:
- to always communicate and carry hope
- and help me survive / manage as best as possible
(Thank you for your commitment!)