austin hartman

jokes about the serious business of drinking.

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

USA on 2/8/26 in the am:
Hahahahahahaha

USA on 2/8/26 in the pm:
Jajajajajajajajajaja

#BadBunny #SuperBowlLX

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

No one:
Every 30+ dude that loves baseball: "I would make a really great announcer. Maybe the beeeeest that seems a little outside. Count is now 2-1."

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

It would be nice if they stop bringing back my childhood movies for their 25/30yr anniversary to theaters to remind me I'm old. I still watch them all the time at my parents house. Ugh.

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

My favorite season of RuPaul's Drag Race is the NYC punk scene. Lots of fashions, lots of drama and they all want to spill the tea.

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

Upon revisiting, 'The Sandlot' (1993) is a nearly perfect film w/ the exception of the horrible ending plot twist of Benny 'The Jet' Rodriguez playing for the Dodgers - even though it was foreshadowed. #sandlot #MLB

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

Entering your late 30's as a bartender in Brooklyn.

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

In '24, we got the Luigi we needed. But who will be the Mario we require in '25?

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

Major props to the rooftop pride party Dj that remixed the MK theme song and used 'Finish Him' several times to bridge to the next track. Happy Pride! 👏🎉🏳️‍🌈🙏

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

You know winter is coming to an end when you don't lay down in the shower for 20min every morning. #lousysmarch #vivaspring

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

@rooshibi Hiiii!

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

@imnatking Me!!!

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

@uwurooshi @rooshibi Hi!

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

@miveii_ Hi

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

NYC is in the perfect window where leaving the house in boots, pajamas and a winter coat to the bodega is high fashion.

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

@rooshibi Yes please!!!! 🍑❤️🍑❤️

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

When you're ready for the holidays to be over but dont want to give up justified reasons to day drink, watch Home Alone for the 100th time, eat a shit ton and wear your pajamas all day.

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

It took me 35yrs to randomly realize Dan Aykroyd has a cameo in Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom.

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

Me: Chill night, let's fall asleep early to LotR extended edition. *7pm*
Me: Hmm... gotta see thru Helm's Deep. *11pm*
Me: Well, I can't miss Aragorn's coronation. *6am*

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

Tell me, honestly, you've never trotted down stairs to the drum solo of Phil Collins' epic 1981 ballad 'In The Air Tonight'. If you're answer is 'no' - get back to me next time you trot down some stairs in a rush.

[austin hartman @POTUSofPARTY]

Lets normalize public farting w/ a saying as one does when another sneezes like "Gesundheit". I vote for "gut gemacht" which is german for good job. #fart #fartingisokay