Pampi

Making people laugh is my favorite thing in the world. Don't let the muggles get you down!

[Pampi @Pampi]

Today is the birthday of the best smelling boy I ever dated. (Facebook told me, BTW. I don't still have my 8th grade beau on my events calendar.)

[President Biden Archived @POTUS46Archive]

Scaling up the 988 Lifeline was an investment in rapid, confidential help.

[Pampi @Pampi]

My coworkers always seem a bit surprised when they find out that my generally genial demeanor conceals barely contained rage.

[Pampi @Pampi]

Pardon my French, but the heat in Alabama can go have sex with itself.

[Pampi @Pampi]

I can't be sure, but I think I might have died after the tequila incident of last Friday. If this is purgatory, I'm not a fan.

[Pampi @Pampi]

Dear Bots, why do you visit my old website? There is nothing for you there. Begone, before someone drops a house on you.

[Pampi @Pampi]

Steve is famous.

https://t.co/nANPQVqXLv

[Pampi @Pampi]

Maybe pick something else. I’m just saying.

[Pampi @Pampi]

Ya know, just a small piece of advice: if you are in a corporate setting, and are being made to play a get-to-know-me ice breaker game, it may not be the best idea for your “Fun Fact” to be that your great uncle was a nazi field marshal.

[Pampi @Pampi]

I dreamed I was trapped in a Wes Anderson film. I was the only thing not quirky and pastel and beautiful in the whole place.

This is a new, and somehow more disturbing, stress dream that I don’t know how to process.

[Pampi @Pampi]

"Red Bull/White Claw" will be the title of my essay about the modern duality of man.

[Pampi @Pampi]

There are a lot of people in this office that eat string cheese like serial killers.

THERE. IS. A. PROTOCOL. (Exclamation point.)

[Pampi @Pampi]

I just had to performs a self-assessment for work and it felt icky. How am I supposed to know if I'm doing the right thing at work? Other people should decide that! (I know I'm awesome, but I can't exactly put that in writing on official documents.)

[Pampi @Pampi]

Three people will live in this enormous house. 3. If they are not hosting large, lavish parties on the grounds every weekend, at least 2/3 of this house is going to be empty at all times.

[Pampi @Pampi]

I don't know what I'm allergic to outside, but it can go to hell.

[Pampi @Pampi]

My hair has settled a bit since my haircut. Now I look suspiciously like Magica de Spell.

[Pampi @Pampi]

Oh well, it’s better than the meth lab that was there before. Silver lining!

[Pampi @Pampi]

I’m tired of the house being built next to us. It’s taking too long. Unless there is a villain lair being built underneath it, there is no excuse for how long the construction is taking.