Eddy M

🦧 VERY loosely based on my life

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

Told her she was my cave woman & im her cave man.. it didn’t land as expected

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

Candle wax on the clit is crazy- good thing I got PH balancing soap

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

Random dude at gym: “How’s your waist skinny like a woman, I wanna get like that”

Me(bad bitch w/ crazy proportions evidently): “😐I count my calories”

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

My older coworker: “you’re only [insert my age] you don’t need to settle.. I didn’t meet my wife till 34”

Bro you literally were FORCED to settle down.. 🤨I don’t wanna be you

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

lol all she had to say was no

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

Me: “hey can you help me”

Coworker: “can’t rn I’m in Tijuana”

I-

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

@wildtiktokss My undiagnosed dyslexia almost let you have this one

[Halimama @shokunbihali]

See why Africans say cats are witches??

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

It’s me, the answer is me

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

Let’s say I treat you the way you’re supposed to be treated.. does that make me the one? Or are you the one?

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

Think I’m developing a lactose intolerance 😔 - now I’m just like you bubble gut mortals

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

My brother just bought a $200 jump rope that tracks the calories you burn, jumps, and speed -🥹I’m so proud

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

I once dumped a shortie for having a deep voice, big homie mighta been the loml -hope she’s straight 💪🏽

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

She proof reads my emails, and gives me head

True love story 😌

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

“Why’re we hanging out in a Target parking lot”

Me: Because we have unprotected sex

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

Loving someone isn’t enough, I think if you really care you gotta be their keeper.
You have an obligation to the people you care about in all your relationships.

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

My homie is smashing ugly girls rn & I told him it was setting a bad precedent 😞

[Melech. @MelechThomas]

Ain’t no way Keke Palmer my shorty and I’m on the TL upset that she a baddie. 🤢

[Eddy M @Pancake_Pqpi]

In sauna- in my underwear, thought this dude was staring at the clock behind me.. there was no clock behind me