Panda Assassin

professional microwave dinner chef, weekend proctologist and amateur magician(what's this behind your ear? it's my number, call me.)

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

I wish that the doctor that does the prostate exam was a woman so that I would be less confused when I got that erection. #Prostate

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

"Gluten makes my tummy hurt" - Some Bitch ass pussy. #Bitch #GlutenAllergiesAreForPussies #GetARealAllergyLikeCatsOrSomeShit

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

So it's Caribbean, not Caribbean, i feel like a jackass I've been saying Caribbean this whole time. #CaribbeanSeries2015 #fistfuck #shit

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

I just want to say for the record i still dont know what a clitoris is or what part of the anus to find it in. #GPS #GonnaGpsYourBox #Box

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

I treat vaginas like rental cars. #DriveItLikeYouStoleIt #InterestingWayOfLookingAtThings

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

People who play bass guitars with picks are douchebags.#SlapDaBass

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

How did they do abortions before vacuum cleaners were invented??? #SuckIt

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

Shes a cum dump star. #KumLardassian

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

I finally got to have anal sex, unfortunately it was in jail and in my anus. #GettingPlowed

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

Buttholes are just vaginas stunt double. #Discover #1st date.

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

@RyanLochte american food Jeah

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

@RyanLochte Jeah

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

Does anyone remember how fun bath salts used to be? #IDo

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

Gurl... you make my dick want to vomit. #OpeningLine #Damn

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

Worst time to be kidnapped would be right before you have to make poopy. #MakingBrown

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

Manatee's eyes look like butt holes. #ButtHole #Manatee #NatureFacts

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

Foreplay? More like Snoreplay! Am i right fellas? #ShitBF #JustShoveItInThere

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

My prayers and deepest condolences go out to everyone who has to use the #TTC #SorrowOnWheels

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

I just got a dog from the pound, he loves crackers but he really hates black people.
#DogsRHaterz #YouRacistDog #YoDogWhatsYoProblem #Dawgz

[Panda Assassin @PandaAssassin69]

Alright, im drunk now. #FridayNight #TrickOrMeat #MeatAsInMyPenis.