Boop🌺

My name is Gormedious. I'm a 400 year old vampire but I actually appear to be 13. If god wanted you alive he wouldn't've created me. Threat Level: 🔶Orange🔶

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

It’s a dangerous game to wear my new jacket and eat my tortellini slop leftovers but too cold to care anymore

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

Vhy are you not have gorlfriend?

How do I explain being a rizzless chud to the Russian mail order bride?

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

Do you want to learn karate?
No I’m taking Spanish though

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

The neighbours are bumping Bollywood music right into angel by shaggy but with intermittent air horn sound effects

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

Oh you have a boyfriend? Why didn’t he take you and your mom to see creed? Is he gay? Oh my bad

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

Hosting a Georgia O’keeffe tutorial workshop at my art gallery thinking I’d meet Jane breaking baddie but only getting people’s grandmas

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

I did not care for digital circus

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

Just heard from Dr. Botox Crazybrows that I’m permanently impaired.
If that’s not the quacta calling the stifling slimy.

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

Swiping tinder while the Telus doctor fights the losing battle of finding basic healthcare near me.
Siri where is closest beer bros and throat doctor

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

She wrote her cell on her card for me to call or text any time for “investment advice”
She better believe she will be hearing from me about marketplace lowballs at 2am

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

How the bank cougar looks at you when she sees your savings and investments then sees your only expenses are beer, weed, internet, and casino withdrawals

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

Mmm yummy fish bones. Like crunchy hair with my protein

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

Minimal conversation with a pretty girl got me anxiety tremoring too much to sleep.
This 12:30 sip of monster ought to fix it

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

I felt a higher power at play in the tank last night
#fishtank #fishtanklive

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

Is that love in the air or is my cauldron of oily gas and styrofoam boiling over

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

400mg got me time travelling to 2026

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

If you attend enough Scientology meetings because they got bad bitches pulling you off the streets of LA huffing bags of shit in the parking lot, they let you blow Elrond from lotr through a glory hole. Depends on thetan levels I guess.

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

So nice of the fucker that’s siphoning my gas on the reg to leave my gas cap dangling there to let me know I need more punji stick traps

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

Fuck these targeted ads are good

[Boop🌺 @Panderpy1]

Vegas NPC #69:
Still dripping wet from the pool Danny Devito looking guy just wearing trunks and a towel asking the very underage looking volleyball tournament girl “y’aint 19 are ya?”