Papa Stotts

Not chatty. Not trying to be. (One father's wisdom as heard by his daughters)

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

"You can go years without seeing a Mr Potato Head and then suddenly theyre everywhere. It's surely a sign of Armageddon or alien invasion."

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

"I had a rough week. Mr Potato Head is everywhere."

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

C: what's for dessert?
"We've banned bossy and dessert."

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

The dulcimer guy became real nice and grandfatherly once he found out we were armed Christians.

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

I want to see more Women's Hockey where they fight each other. They'd be like "ew, girl, who did your fingernails?"

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

Speaking on decaf coffee: "For every good thing God created, there is a counterpunch that Satan has perverted."

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

I'd like to add that if all we get for grandkids is 3,000 dogs we're not helping to send them to college.

[Joanna Stotts (Gutschenritter) @beammeupstotty_]

@PapaStotts on wedding photography "or you could learn programming & forget all this nonsense of dealing with people"

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

For Christmas, I'd like peace on earth. Also, a Nobel Peace Prize.

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

Tonight is NCIS followed by more NCIS. Then Person of Interest. Then we will lean back, exhale, and die.

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

Blue cheese is not Christian Cheese.

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

"'Christian cheese' is made by white Europeans and comes in pleasing earth tones. As God intended."

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

C: "there's a granule of coffee floating in my cup."
Yes. That's like the cherry on your milkshake.

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

C: "have you even seen The Matrix?"
I INVENTED The Matrix.

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

On dry shampoo:Did u know its made of cornstarch?U cant comb it;Ur hair wld be all clumped together like a muffin that hasnt been cooked yet

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

It's easy to have a man-venture; grab a 25lb catfish out of the river with your bare hand while some Twinkie floats by in a tube.

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

"And as God said in Hezekiah, 'if you were not to eat pig, I would not have made them out of bacon.'"

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

When i had surgery, they gave me a pint of vodka and knocked me out with a hammer. You're telling me they do it different now?

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

Tv is for wimps. For the past 32 years I have been LIVING Man vs. Wild.

[Papa Stotts @PapaStotts]

"This whole show is acted terribly, but we watch it anyways. Life's too short to have everything go well."