The Papa Perspective

I tweet the conversations I never thought I’d have in my lifetime. Fatherhood has changed me. For the better (I think).

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

5yo Son: “Hey Google, show me the inside of my poop and…”

Me: “HEY GOOGLE STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP… please”

#Parenthood

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

Me: Goodnight boys.
Boys: Goodnight dad!…
��
Hey dad, how many more days till my birthday? How many more till Christmas? Why are my fingers blue? How are babies made?

Me: … Good. Night. Boys.

[dan @dadopotamus]

I just had a customer spend $13,000 on clothes, video games and toys at my store because “her kids need something to do this summer”

So naturally, I asked her if she was interested in adopting me for the summer.

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

I was at a park today and overheard a young mom say, “this is a lit ass park.” I didn’t think I was an old dad already. But here I am.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

3 people have told me to have a good Friday so now I have to deal with that pressure.

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

Too relatable 😂

[Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3]

Toddler: I love you mommy

Me: Aww, I love you too! Now get out of my bed

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

Why is it that the older I get… the more aches and pains and desire to just sit and watch baseball occur? #MLB

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

Me: Hey bud, why do you have marker all over your arm?
5yo: I wanted to look like a classy cheetah!
Me: Ah yes, I see it now.
#parenting

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

It’s the last month of school, here are 97 activities in the middle of the day parents need to attend.

-elementary schools

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

Tweet prompt: What’s happening?

Me: Well… I just read my son a bedtime story. He then stood up, farted in my face, and proceeded to laugh hysterically. Thanks for asking.

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

3yo: Hey dad, does poop come out of my butt?
Me: uhh… yeah.
3yo: How do they make hoses?
Me: … I literally have no idea.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Let’s get married and have kids so instead of a wild Friday night we can figure out how early we need to wake up tomorrow for our kid’s sporting event.

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

During the wait for a company meeting to start on zoom today… someone pulled out a didgeridoo to fill the awkward silence. #Wednesday

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

I didn’t know parenthood would involve strategizing with my wife which shows should be downloaded on which tablets before long airplane rides…

I got all the Daniel Tiger episodes on mine and my wife got all of the Finneas and Ferb on hers. Who won?

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

I got a compliment on my sweater today! … it was from my therapist.

I don’t get out much. 😂

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

My 2yo was pretty upset this morning. So naturally, I asked what was wrong. He replied that it was because he hadn’t had @tacobell yet today…

We haven’t been to Taco Bell in months…

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

You can just order a whole other order of fries to eat on the way home. No one has to know.

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

On this episode of: “Questions my kid asks before bedtime”

5yo: How many sicknesses are there in the world? Why do we get sick? How do we get better? How do we not get sick?

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

Why it gotta be like this tho… 💀

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

@thedad Then they want you to recreate that experience for the next 3 months…

I played dress up ONE TIME!…

[The Papa Perspective @Papa_Perspectiv]

I felt this…

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Almonds are good for when I want to have a healthy snack and want to stop having twelve dollars.