When your child pushes back, gets difficult, tests your patience in ways that feel personal, they're usually not trying to hurt you.
They're asking a question they don't have words for: Will you still be here when I'm not easy to love?
Every reaction you give is an answer. They're collecting those answers and building something out of them. A belief about whether people stay. Whether love is conditional. Whether they're too much.
The moments when they're hardest to reach are usually the moments they're paying the closest attention.
We tell children to find their passion and then give them no time to explore. We tell them failure is how you learn and then punish every mistake. We tell them to think for themselves and then grade them on what we told them to think.
And they learn the real lesson underneath the spoken one: that adults say one thing and measure another. So they become very good at performing. And they forget who they were before they learned to perform.
@warisjokhio98 It’s strange how, when you look back, the “lessons” you thought you were learning were just someone else’s cruelty dressed up as authority.