Cal🖕🏻🚓

ACAB
he/they

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

Paint is like "pthaelo blue" "cerulean blue" "burnt umber" "burnt sienna" "purple but it's actually blue" "ultramarine blue" "upsetting grey" "cadmium red" "swamp ass green" and one of em always tastes way worse than the others

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

Peepeepoopoo

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

That kid they cast as baby Yoda is such a good actor

[Chi Alpha Iota Diaternity @utdxai]

With Safe Space Reprom being but a week away, there seems a new memo regarding the event, directly from XAI Officership themselves 👀

[Chi Alpha Iota Diaternity @utdxai]

Got a good poem to read or a snazzy song to play? Come join us for XAI’s open mic night happening Friday, April 1st! There is $3 dollar fee but if you sign up to perform in advance, we’ll waive the fee. See you all there!

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

U heard of Piston Cup but r u ready for the Poopedon Cup

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

The masculine urge to start watching YouTube at full volume in a bathroom stall

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

Every street should have the same name so I don't have to remember the different street names

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

Wake up: panic attack
Go to the store: panic attack
Have to make a basic decision on what food to cook: panic attack

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

What the F#cK is oil

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

Sully and Mike Wazowski are together right

Like Celia and Mike are too but Mike is also with Sully right

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

(nsfw)

The decibel competition between the sounds of my roommate having intercourse and how loudly I can pee

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

The Forky Asks A Question series is the disorienting, pointless, immoral hellscape I didn't know I needed.

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

This fucker made some yellow paint with "happy" in the name, made it cotton candy scented, I was finna slurp that shit up with a straw like van Gogh, but nah it's got fucking cadmium, what kind of asshole puts cadmium in paint that smells and looks fuckin delicious, fr

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

[we never speak again and after these tweets I get through an entire semester without gendering a character or describing their physical appearance AT ALL just to get in his head. All is well.]

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

What he says: "time for brefast :)"
What he means: there is a can, an open can, of olives on his nightstand. He hasn't been to the grocery store in a month. He will eat the olives with his hands, thinking of regrets, and stare up at the shelf where his coffee rests, so far away.

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

*turns printed tweets in to my creative writing prof, he says r u ok ur last story was about depression, I dab,*

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

I firmly believe that the only people allowed to direct musicals should be people who hate or at the very least fundamentally distrust musicals.

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

Can gandalf do magic? I cannot picture him actually doing magic, only talking to bugs and like yelling at shit

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

. Writers
Prospective Trans
Parents
🤝
. babynames dot com

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

Writers
Prospective Trans
Parents
🤝
babynames dot com

[Cal🖕🏻🚓 @Paranomasiacal]

Pretend the spacing worked out