Proverbs of Parents ™

Shit your folks say but should really have kept in their heads. Courtesy of Derek and Marjory, my mum and dad.

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Date yourself with a chocolate bar. I’ll go first: Marathon.

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Dad: On the Piccadilly line. Jeepers look at all those tourists with sweaty, Wendys burger fingers making marks on the tube map 🤮#CheapHotels #SmellsOfDamp

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Mum: Derek absolutely no one needed to read that. You are awful.

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Dad: when you let a bit of wee out, it’s really good to still have the old draculas cape. Extra line of defence, if you see what I mean. #Foreskin

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Mum: everything’s £21! Apart from the perms and balayages which are four times the price. So, everything’s a multiple of £21, actually. #Maths

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Dad: New shop coming soon. For women with two absolutely identical tits. @rigbyandpeller

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Dad: Come now @Wendys, your burger wasn’t that bad

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Dad: I’m gonna say Jewish boys, when they reach 8 days old? 🤭 @Ryanair

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Mum: Yes.

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Dad: am I the only man who actually washes his shoulders with @HeadandShoulder ?

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Dad: Rhetoric and reality never seem to be in the same room as each other these days. All this nonsense about London being too dangerous. Tosh!

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Dad: interracial relationship problems. 😆 😆

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Mum: What berries are brown, for heaven’s sake? What a stupid phrase. #suntan #brownasalog

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Mum: Yes, Derek, but if you think that smells bad…

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Dad: The angle where my nose joins my cheek smells of cheese. Had you noticed, Marge?

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Dad: actual live footage of Brexit 😆 😆 😆

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Mum: Derek I have dry patches on my toast. That’s no way to butter up, and well you know it! State of your breakfast preparation.

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Dad: If tea didn’t start off so damn hot I’d like it more #tea

[Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs]

Mum: I’m not one to laugh at misfortune. But the tourist I just saw walk straight into the lift and out the open door opposite at Russell Square has me in creases 😹 😹