Providence Journal Pitchbot

What am I even lampooning here? It’s not like the Journal has a group of opinion columnists offering up hot takes anymore.

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

If the Bills don't win the Superbowl this year the fault rests entirely with Rich Luchette.
By Josh Allen

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

Opinion: Gabe Amo became a Congressman because he strongly emphasized his adherence to the President's agenda, here's why that's bad news for Joe Biden.
By Ed Achorn

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

Aaron Regunberg to join Harvard’s Institute of Politics.
By Kathy Gregg

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

For Labor Day my newest kids book, "Workers of the World Unite, Charlie Brown" is available wherever scabs get what's coming to them.
By Pat Crowley

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

Opinion: Aaron Regunberg cannot be bought. He's more of a rental picked up at the trade deadline.
By Jeffy Levy

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

Opinion: You wrote mean articles about me so now I'm killing your paper.
By Babyface Joe Polisena Jr.

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

Twin River set the over/under for back to school shootings at 10.5, now Rhode Islanders have the chance to profit off of mass murder, just like the NRA.
By Mom's Demand Action

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

Remember me for the hundreds of thousands of dollars I wasted on my campaign that could've been spent on Gregg's Death by Chocolate cake.
By Don Carlson

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

We all know Rhode Island needs more housing, but what happens when a proposal strikes critics as out of character for the neighborhood? Guess what, we build it anyway.
By Ian Donnis

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

Editorial: Rebuild Harborside Inn exactly as it was!

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

We're going to do a "feasibility study" on the housing crisis, as in how is it feasible that we're wasting our time studying a problem when we already know the solution?
By Antonia Noori Farzan

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

Opinion: Let's Make A Deal, Rhode Island Congress Edition. Make an insider deal with Sabina Matos and all your dreams may come true! I'm her next Chief of Staff! Holly McClaren's getting hush money! Why not you John Goncalves?
By Nick Autiello

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

We've tried everything to fix the housing crisis except actually building new housing. Instead we're giving up.
By Stephan Pryor

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The East Side of Providence is a welcoming community unless you need affordable housing.
By Fox Point Neighborhood Association

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Editorial: I'm not sure that going after the only Jewish candidate in the congressional race with the argument he uses secret wealth and shadowy globalist connections is explicitly antisemitic, but it does make me super uncomfortable.

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

Last night, police were called to a McDonald's after reports that someone was passed out drunk on the floor of the bathroom. It turned out it was self proclaimed man of the people Enrique Sanchez.
By Patrick Anderson

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

The Sabina Matos Public Relations Playbook: Play Victim, Deny Responsibility, Blame Others, Rinse, Repeat.
By Brexton Isaacs

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

Opinion: If the Rhode Island Board of Elections handled Watergate Nixon would still be President.
By John Marion

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

Sabina Matos' successful cover up of signature-gate shows how ready she is for Washington D.C.
By Patrick Anderson

[Providence Journal Pitchbot @ParodyProjo]

I'm the candidate who makes you think "I have no idea who he is".
By John Goncalves