Kyle Carpenter

Part time comic performing in Vancouver, BC.

This is my profile for comedy and writing about comedy. Find my professional account @KCarCFH (or @clientsfh!)

[Kyle Carpenter @ParttimeKyle]

Reminder: you've offended countless people in ways so subtle that apologizing would make it worse, and for which you will never be forgiven.

[eric @tacopug]

cannot stress enough how unedited this outro is

[eric @tacopug]

i really wish this didn't go so hard

[Mark @markaduck]

Not sure who to thank for this, but it’s brilliant. Volume up.

[Kyle Carpenter @ParttimeKyle]

Pixar quality animation for a Dreamworks budget. https://t.co/b3cYxQ8xjc

[Kyle Carpenter @ParttimeKyle]

"ARE YOU Haitian?"
"No, but what if I TOLD you I was."

What's the slimiest way a client has tried to get a discount from you? https://t.co/4r5AkdH540

[Jesse McLaren @McJesse]

1/20 New Radicals reunite.
2/1 Marilyn Manson gets his ass kicked in.
Coincidence?

[Kyle Carpenter @ParttimeKyle]

I mean, yeah.
https://t.co/hWe3evw5Su

[Kyle Carpenter @ParttimeKyle]

Me: *starts freelancing*
Clients within 24 hours: YOU WANT EXPOSURE?
https://t.co/txe7htc7nb

[Ian Boothby @IanBoothby]

First do no no harm. Second okay a little harm's fine. Third, fuck it let God sort them out.

[Tig Notaro @TigNotaro]

SAM: Nice ring, Frodo

FRODO: It's mine! You can't have it! It's my ring!

SAM: I'm glad I don't have a ring that makes me act so mean to my friends

[Kyle Carpenter @ParttimeKyle]

@JoLoxales Loving the new handle by the way.

[Kyle Carpenter @ParttimeKyle]

@Gavin_Clarkson Or it's one of the the most inventive and original Acton movies of the past decade, but tomato tomahto.

Also, fuck you.

[Kyle Carpenter @ParttimeKyle]

Clients From Hell - Page 2 of 805 - Horror stories from freelancers https://t.co/Nc6HgkZISp via @clientsfh

[Kyle Carpenter @KCarCFH]

Andrew Scheer looks so much like a marshmallow I believe you could drop him in a fire, pull off the outer layer and find a smaller, smoother version of the same man.

[Kyle Carpenter @ParttimeKyle]

Feeling wistful knowing there are only 15 #gulmantip-s coming. Been a hell of a year.

[Kyle Carpenter @ParttimeKyle]

@mandersoncooper I recently moved to Halifax from Vancouver and the comedy scene has been really kind and supportive generally. I'd love to see you/meet you at a show soon, if that helps at all!

[Kyle Carpenter @ParttimeKyle]

@frankiemacd Me neither, Frankie. Me neither.