Me: entering Japanese cat café.
employee stops me immediately.
Employee: One rule.
Me: Okay.
Employee: Orange cat bites people from France.
Me: I’m not French.
Employee: Good.
I sit down, cats everywhere, peaceful, adorable, therapeutic.
then gigantic orange cat jumps onto table, built like retired wrestler.
Cat staring at me aggressively.
Employee watching nervously from distance.
Me: I thought he only hated French people.
Employee: He improvises.
cat slowly pushes my drink off table while maintaining eye contact.
Me: THIS IS TARGETED.
small child nearby points at cat.
Child: That one evil.
Employee: No no, He just passionate.
cat suddenly climbs onto my lap, starts purring violently.
Me: …wait he likes me?
Employee shocked.
Employee: Impossible.
another worker comes over, then another, entire staff now observing me like chosen prophet.
Manager arrives.
Manager: He has never trusted customer before.
Me: What does that mean.
Manager bows slightly.
Manager: You must take him.
Me: TAKE HIM WHERE.
orange cat already asleep on me.
Employee quietly bringing adoption papers.
Me: I CAME HERE FOR COFFEE.
I dont know how much longer I can keep going on this way.
I'm so tired and sad all the time...
I don't want to keep feeling like this.
there's always something to be upset about everyday.
when did it get like this.
why is it like this.
why am i alive?