Patrick Kuykendall

The face of awesome, if it had a beard.

[Corey Quinn @QuinnyPig]

My eldest asked if Santa was real, so I taught her about Occam’s razor.

“Which is likelier: that Santa is real, or that millions of adults are in a global conspiracy to fool children into thinking he is? I remind you that you and your sister can’t keep secrets.”

[Jesse McLaren @McJesse]

Wow. Disney+ changed the ending of Raiders of the Lost Ark...

[Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation @OKWildlifeDept]

Your ancestors hunted mammoths with a spear,
you can walk past a goose on the sidewalk.

[míkey motorcykey @Tallboi_Icedtea]

you alright babe? you hardly said cows when we passed that field of cows

[Six Flags Over Georgia @sfovergeorgia]

You guys said you wanted us to bring Monster Mansion merch back. 🤷

[Allistair McCaw @AllistairMcCaw]

This is so heartwarming ❤️ Parents, teach your kid to have the character and compassion of the kid in blue 💙

[Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation @OKWildlifeDept]

Parking eight deer on the roof before breaking and entering isn't very "leave no trace" just saying.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Thoughts and prayers for the rival dad across the street who just missed trash pickup 3 days before Christmas.

[Patrick Kuykendall @PatDaddyKrunk]

I could never even hope to have the confidence of @Target as they ask me to purchase a $3.00 protection plan on a $1.19 Hot Wheels car... for each car.

[christina @cszhu]

HEARTBREAKING: Software engineer has to turn around, take out one earbud, and say "huh?" when someone asks them a question even though they finally got in the coding groove

[PUNS @ThePunnyWorld]

What do you call a waffle you dropped on the beach?

San Diego

[Jenny Nicholson @JennyENicholson]

I do think it's really ironic that this moby dick animatronic is unaccounted for and is a legend many people have been chasing for decades

[Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation @OKWildlifeDept]

DMs are gonna be closed for the next hour-ish,

we're taking a break from wildlife conservation to try the diablo sandwich at Arby's

[naomi (forgetful functor) @fixedpointfae]

running low on disk space on macOS or linux? remember to empty out your recycle bins (located at /usr/bin and /bin)

[Ben Sandofsky @sandofsky]

12 years ago, Twitter’s office used a Mac Mini to tunnel into the servers. One day, an IT guy found it in the closet.

“Anyone know who owns this?”

“Unplug it. Someone will show up.”

Everyone lost access to servers. Huge crisis. It became known as the “Load Bearing Mac Mini.”

[Georgia DNR Wildlife @GeorgiaWild]

Bruh. Did y'all know bears DON'T HAVE collarbones and can fit through your DOGGY DOOR?

Because I didn't.

[Patrick Kuykendall @PatDaddyKrunk]

So excited to receive my @chonkerkeys!! https://t.co/5eoRlcRceM

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

I can’t walk through our kitchen without using at least 3 paper towels.

[PUNS @ThePunnyWorld]

I pirated a movie yesterday…

I gave it 3.14 stars.