Pat Burrell Parody

Parody account of the legendary left fielder, Pat Burrell--In no way affiliated with Pat Burrell, Phillies organization, or players/coaches mentioned in tweets

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Hit a fucking bomb taking BP last night while wearing dad khakis. Want to apologize to anyone who brought their gf/wife to watch. #Burrelled

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Of course I can still "pluck one from the herd." These chicks in San Fran are easier than hitting homers against the mets. #TheBat

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Just walked to the bathroom to take a piss only to realize I'm wearing one of Sarge's hats, and Wheels is passed out in his whitey tighties.

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Just made wheels do a beer bong with 6 bud heavies. #OpeningDay

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

The tradition continues: drinking by 8, blacked out by 10, balls deep by 11. #OpeningDay

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

There are two mottos I lived by while playing baseball. 1: Packin bombs and bangin moms. 2: Packin fatties and drinkin natties.

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Dodge Stump the Fans: What can Matt Stairs finish fastest? A) chug a bottle of syrup. B) 6 pack of Molson Ice. C) Run to 1st base

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

The booth this year will be absolutely reckless. Me and Matt stairs pounding beers, while T Mac and Moyer call the game. #boozinginthebooth

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

#ClearwaterOrBust? More like #ClearwaterAndBust. Seriously, even Sal Fasano and Jon Lieber were taking down broads at Spring Training in '06

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

I would win the ESPY for ruining relationships if it was a category, but I would be too busy with Katherine Webb to accept it #burrelled

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

I guess the "deposit" I made in Bryce's hair gel seems to be working. Still doesn't prevent him from looking like a douchebag though.

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Drinking with Berman before the derby is good for both of us. I get drunk enough to watch and he practices chanting BACKBACKBACK as I chug.

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

About to get a quick bone sesh in with this former Phillies ball girl #raindelay

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

If Cole doesn't throw at that bitch Harper tonight like he did last season, then Heidi Hamels is getting #burrelled for sure.

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Waking up in nothing but my old Phillies jersey post blackout is pretty confusing, but not as confusing as the Phillies scoring 16 runs.

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Papelbon has blown more saves than Jason Michaels and I would blow lines before trying to hit bombs in BP, well almost...

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Was trying to pick up some chicks at the gynecologist today, and of course @Bharper3407 walks in for his monthly appointment. #puss

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Kanye West expects everyone to buy his album because he knocked up a 4? Please, I won 2 rings on Wild Turkey and I just expected a blowie.

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Strange to hear golf analysts say "Merion isn't easy." I've always felt Merion girls were the easiest.

[Pat Burrell Parody @Pat_The_Bat5]

Dom Brown packin a fatty? Must be studying my film on how to be the man in left field. Now hit some more HRs, then get blackout drunk.