Patrick Crerand

Built for comfort, not for speed. MUFC fan but not the man who played for them. Author of "The Paper Life They Lead: Stories" on Arc Pair Press.

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

My book! Available for sale on 4/17-aka tax day! https://t.co/PBc7MMEDkD

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@proffwolff They’re making small of you!

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@RorySmith Very strange. I do think it was worth it for R & R’s expression driving Madonna’s car. Also the Count was there.

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@ae_stallings @deliavatican

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@everymovieplug Perpetual Grace, LTD

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@ZeroSuitCamus

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@danpfeiffer Should have spelled her name Whelker for this segment.

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@ae_stallings @covie_93 Maybe we’re in a Procrustean sitch where Trump is going to pull his feet until they do fit?

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@CaitlinPacific @nytopinion I feel like people can longer identify satire.

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@danpfeiffer They’d be better with a thumb in their ear at this volume.

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@ae_stallings That’ll do.

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

New stories in @MISTERBULLBULL. Check it out!

[BULL @MISTERBULLBULL]

"I remember when that girl turned ape at the state fair.  The witch doctor hexed her good in the tent.  She fell into a trance & grew hairy and large.  We chanted, “Gorilla, Gorilla,” but the man with the bullhorn always looked worried." -Patrick Crerand https://t.co/2AIphZdnE6

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@newsandor Will it reveal who is doing laundry in this galaxy. Does everyone have just the one outfit?

[Sami Gold @souljagoyteller]

Hunter S. Thompson from his book “Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ‘72”

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@StephenMarche Can we all crash on your floor?

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@StephenOkey Terrible decision. Sorry to see it.

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@AoDespair Also with the Bobby Knight line, I bet he thinks he’s in the state of Indiana when he’s in Indiana, Pennsylvania.

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@jonfavs Like watching the coyote in looney tunes, though with less dignity. She should just reply Meep meep.

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@mdbell79 There will be lots of new poets because of her as well. My wife teaches 7th grade, and Gorman is very inspirational to them as well.

[Patrick Crerand @PatrickCrerand]

@Shteyngart Fathism by any other name…

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"At my public rallies, I’ve always done my best to rile up disaffected voters with needlessly violent rhetoric. So imagine my shock when a disaffected voter showed up to one of my public rallies and committed a needless act of violence."
https://t.co/yn0NqCCSiR