Patrick Robinson

New jokes from Patrick Robinson

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

Must make a start in using acronyms in my tweets, after all, you only live once.

DAMMIT!

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

Which rock star smells of ham?

Jambon Jovi.

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

What has changing nappies got in common with 12 bar blues?
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
(Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,bum, bum)

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

Save Harborne Library - Sign the Petition! https://t.co/1su0hLYu0f via @UKChange

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

What’s the best restaurant for a sleepy grandma?
Nandoze.

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

Thank God for atheists.

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

What’s the best name for an optician’s?

Len’s.

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

Scientists have found out which animal is the most sarcastic. Called the
“That’ll be Great White Shark”

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

Children’s face painting: Matt or Gloss?

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

Diana Ross works at my local garage. She fills your car up with Supremes Unleaded.

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

They say a dog is a man’s best friend. And that diamonds are a girl’s best friend. But imagine if diamonds are a man’s best friend: a man could sell the diamonds. And use the money to get two or three dogs.

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

Little known fact: WD40 stands for “Wow, Dad’s 40”.

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

It’s an old superstition to think you get bad luck from walking under a ladder. How far under do you have to be to make it count? If someone uses a ladder in Australia, doesn’t that put the whole Northern Hemisphere under a ladder and curse us to bad luck?

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

Went to a fortune teller to predict my future with Tarot cards.
First card: DEATH
“Don’t worry” said the fortune teller, “It doesn’t literally mean that”.
Second card: text that said: “Patrick Robinson is going to die”.
Third card: “No, you can’t have your money back”.

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

@defiantnecro Musty?

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

New T-shirt slogan:

“Listen to Lineker”
#Lineker

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

My legal team say they love U2: they work pro Bono.

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

Want to start a truck company that only transports milk and oats:

ROBINSONS: Haulage, Storage and Porridge

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

My son has taken to trying to scare me when we’re in the house. He lurks around corners and shouts mortgage interest rates at me.

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

Writing a story about a controversial tax expert who lives in South Yorkshire:

“Dodgy Dom and the Doncaster Non-Dom Dossier”

[Patrick Robinson @Patrickdjokes]

@ComComPod Hi, my son likes the choices and storytelling of this one: https://t.co/D3tasgIVs1 Also recommend “Overbooked” tile placement/Tetris esque in the theme of managing passengers for a plane flight. Have fun!