Paul Roak

Comedy, jokes, and bad advice. Get Sportdating on iTunes.

[The Wall Street Journal @WSJ]

Mike Judge, a creator of HBO's new 'Silicon Valley,' discusses nerds, algorithms and billionaires: http://t.co/lIJ2Fjywhr

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

Was looking forward to Women's Biathlon... Way less hot than I was expecting. #Sochi2014

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

#wifeORpoltergeist

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

Vicente Foods is playing Muzak version of Ice Cube "It Was A Good Day". #onlyinLA

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

Smoking is bad for you. Actually, smoking is bad for everyone.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

My sister's fiancé has a head tattoo. That's how bad my holidays are gonna be.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

I'd take a nightmare over daydream anyday. When I wake up from a nightmare everythings OK. When I wake up from a daydream everythings worse.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

I'm 42. People say I look 36. So, basically I look 42.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

The best way to avoid getting pregnant? Trying to get pregnant. #parenting

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

Next time I don't feel like going to work, I'm claiming a "hamstring issue".

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

I need my morning cup of coffee, so I can get anxious and resume hating myself as early in the day as possible.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

My only job as a husband is to provide my wife with things to brag about on Facebook.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

A married guy buying a Porsche is like a eunuch buying a condom.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

The first line of every job description should be: Laugh at your boss's jokes.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

I wish more women wearing see-thru yoga pants actually did yoga.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

Prayer works 50% of the time, in any football game.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

After watching #BreakingBad I'd say 50% of the businesses on Lincoln Blvd are laundering money. #LosAngeles

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

I'm not addicted to coffee. I'm addicted to sitting in coffee shops.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

Women don't have Friends. They have Fellow Judges.

[Paul Roak @PaulRoakComedy]

Women care about fancy cars not cause it says you have money, but that you're happy to blow some.