Stanny

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

Oh great, a cover artist has done a slightly worse version of a song everybody's already sick of.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

What's that app called where you're not funny so you make the voice squeaky and trick people into thinking you are?

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

"Hello people of 2019 I'm fat is anyone in here a personal trainer?"

Everyone on earth raises their hand.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

"Hey look 16,000 people liked the funny picture I shared that somebody else made."

*changes occupation to Public Figure*

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

I'm sorry I can't quite find the emojis to say this but… he's dead.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

Secretly doing yoga in the toilets at work.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

Got a new job testing which type of shoes wear down the quickest.
It's sole destroying.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

Sliding full biscuits into my mouth like DVDs.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

I hate people with a passion.
People without a passion, they're not too bad.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

I get far too suspicious of the man doing sign language at the bottom corner. Still going when nobody's talking. He's lying about something.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

Wow. Three people in the same building asking about my pocket globe. It's a small world.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

I love food and music. So put another lime in the jukebox baby.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

When you're eating spaghetti and it hangs down your chin just for a moment. No better feeling.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

Sitting here doing nothing. Like a boss.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

So you think you could store all that food in your body?! Go ahead try it. But you can't.
YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

Teach a man to fish, and he'll stink for a lifetime.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

Never eat on an empty stomach.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

My new belt has a clock on it. I know what you're thinking... "Waist of time."

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

Just watched the Top Gear episode where the famous person drives that car and they spoke about it afterwards.

[Stanny @PaulStanny]

@Mand_KC I am unaware of this human, do you recommend?