P.J.⚡🥩

[Mark Karpelès @MagicalTux]

My spy-implanted ledger came from Malaysia, and had flawless shrink wrap. Even opening it, at first you don't see the implant which is cleverly hidden where the screen's padding is supposed to be.
Follow Ledger's guidance to check yours: https://t.co/FlOjWvqkZw

[Lazy IT Guy @lazy_IT_guy]

My side business is currently generating $12K a month in untaxed revenue.

I supply rare Japanese microgreens to 3 Michelin-starred restaurants.

Growing these specific greens requires a perfectly controlled, high-humidity environment and uninterrupted UV light.

Coincidentally, that is the exact climate of the newly retrofitted Server Room B.

Our CEO recently read an article about edge computing and demanded we upgrade our local infrastructure.

He authorized $400K for high-density server racks that we absolutely didn't need.

I used the budget to install automated hydroponic irrigation trays and high-intensity full-spectrum LED panels.

I stacked them vertically between the legacy Cisco routers.

Last Tuesday, the facilities director asked why Server Room B smelled like a botanical garden.

I told him we were beta-testing a new biological filtration mesh to reduce our carbon footprint.

I used the phrase "photosynthetic carbon sequestration."

He was so impressed he asked if we could write a press release about it.

I told him it was proprietary technology and the patent was still pending, so we had to keep it completely dark.

He agreed and ordered the janitorial staff to never enter the room.

Now the company is paying the water and power bills for a massive indoor agricultural operation.

I even linked the irrigation sensors to our enterprise network monitoring dashboard.

If the pH balance in the water drops, I get a critical alert on my company phone.

Every Friday at 4 PM, I load 30 pounds of premium arugula into my trunk under the guise of off-site tape backups.

I'm pioneering the intersection of enterprise infrastructure and farm-to-table dining.

I think I'm going to start growing weed next.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

The board of directors panicked after reading an article in Forbes and hired a boutique cybersecurity firm.

They paid $80K for a team of external auditors to stress-test our network architecture.

A guy named Connor showed up to my office with a customized laptop covered in hacking stickers.

He ran a preliminary port scan and immediately found 14 open vulnerabilities on our primary subnet.

He barged in and demanded to know why our main firewall was running outdated firmware from 2014.

I leaned back in my Herman Miller Aeron chair and smiled like a disappointed father.

I told him he had successfully discovered the outer layer of my decentralized honeypot matrix.

I explained that we intentionally leave legacy ports open to trap malicious actors in an infinite digital loop.

I used the phrase "asymmetrical threat inversion protocol."

He stopped typing on his mechanical keyboard and looked deeply confused.

I told him that patching those obvious vulnerabilities would immediately signal to international syndicates that we were a high-value target.

I said that by maintaining the illusion of baseline incompetence, we achieve absolute digital camouflage.

I asked him if his boutique firm didn't understand the fundamental concept of psychological network warfare.

He started aggressively backpedaling and nervously closing terminal windows on his screen.

He said his scan was just a preliminary assessment and he didn't want to disrupt my advanced architecture.

I generously offered to sign off on his security audit if he classified our vulnerabilities as strategic perimeter decoys.

He rewrote his 40-page compliance report to praise our innovative approach to threat management.

The CEO called me into his office the next day to personally thank me for outsmarting the hackers.

I didn't tell him the firewall was unpatched because I forgot the admin password 6 years ago.

I haven't logged into the security console since the Obama administration.

I billed the company $400 for a catered lunch with Connor.

I spent the afternoon watching a documentary about deep-sea fishing while the company felt safer than ever.

True security is just aggressive confidence in the face of absolute negligence.

[Medusa @MedusaOnchain]

UPDATE: to anyone saying claude code scoured the whole internet for discussions by humans and then added it to their knowledge database

GLM-5.2, trained on a pre-exploit date with no internet access, still found the COLDCARD wallet vulnerability independently with a single prompt in just ~20 mins of thinking

[Semper Vigilantes @SemperVigilant1]

Year 2035:

"Dad, why can't we buy groceries?"

"Because our funds are in a 3-of-5 multi-vendor multisig wallet. We need the Coldcard, the Jade, the Trezor, the air-gapped laptop, and your uncle to fly in from Switzerland with Key #4. Then we'll verify the firmware hashes, regenerate the descriptors, test the entropy, and move the coins to a new wallet because someone found another vulnerability. We should be ready by Tuesday."

"Couldn't we have just used a bank?"

"Don't be ridiculous son, we chose the future of money."

#BITCOIN

[Mike Bales™ 🫡🇺🇸 @MikeBales]

I was offered sex today by a 26-year-old woman. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on my 𝕏 profile.

Of course I declined because of my strong morals and willpower, which is just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available scented with lemon or vanilla.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

I hate open-plan offices with a burning passion.

Our company moved to a modern glass-walled headquarters last year to promote transparency.

Transparency is just a corporate buzzword for micromanagement.

I can't maintain my daily 2-hour afternoon nap schedule if anyone walking by can see me drooling on my keyboard.

So I submitted a purchase order for $45K in military-grade acoustic paneling and copper mesh.

The CFO asked why I needed to completely wrap my office in heavy industrial materials.

I told him I was constructing a SCIF.

I said a Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility was federally mandated for our upcoming data migration.

I explained that modern corporate espionage utilizes acoustic keylogging.

I told him our competitors could theoretically recreate our passwords just by listening to the sound of my keystrokes vibrating off the glass walls.

He went pale and approved the $45K immediately.

The contractors finished the installation on Tuesday.

My office is now a pitch-black, soundproof void.

It blocks all cellular signals and Wi-Fi interference.

When you close the heavy steel door, it seals with an airtight hiss.

It's the quietest place on the entire Eastern seaboard.

I brought in a memory foam camping cot and a weighted blanket.

I lock the door at 1:00 PM every single day.

I enter a state of deep, uninterrupted REM sleep that most billionaires would envy.

If anyone knocks, they can't be heard.

If anyone calls my cell phone, it goes straight to voicemail because the copper mesh acts as a Faraday cage.

When I emerge at 3:30 PM, I tell people I was in deep localized meditation to visualize our network topology.

The HR Director said my dedication to mental focus is inspiring.

She has no idea I'm sleeping in my slacks while making $96 an hour.

I'm never leaving this company.

My office is essentially a high-yield sensory deprivation chamber.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

The most valuable asset in corporate America isn't capital or intellectual property.

It's calendar space.

If you leave blank spaces on your Outlook calendar, middle managers will fill them with useless status meetings.

Two years ago, I realized I was spending 15 hours a week listening to people talk in circles using corporate buzzwords.

So I went into our active directory and created a phantom contractor.

His name is Elias Vanguard.

His title is Senior Cloud Migration Specialist.

I gave Elias a stock photo headshot and a very vague bio about his background in logistics.

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I schedule a 3-hour working session with Elias.

I mark the meetings as critical infrastructure alignment.

No one ever schedules over a critical infrastructure alignment meeting.

For 9 hours a week, my status shows as red and In a Meeting.

People think I'm deep in the trenches configuring our AWS architecture.

In reality, I'm sitting in my office watching serial killer documentaries.

Sometimes I send emails to Elias and CC the executive team.

I tell Elias to make sure the packet routing is optimized for Q3.

Then I log into Elias's account and reply that the nodes are fully stabilized.

The CEO loves Elias.

He recently asked if we could bring Elias on as a full-time employee.

I told him Elias prefers the freedom of contracting and is currently operating out of a rural cabin in Montana.

I said Elias works strictly asynchronously due to satellite internet latency.

The CEO respected that.

He said Elias is exactly the kind of untethered maverick this company needs.

Last month, I authorized a $2K training stipend for Elias to attend a virtual cybersecurity seminar.

I used the money to buy myself a new set of golf clubs.

I'm currently a 12 handicap.

By the end of summer, I expect to break 80.

I owe it all to Elias.

[marqix ☆ @fwmarqix]

My Wi-Fi name has been "The Promised LAN" for three years.

I thought it was funny. My wife rolled her eyes. Standard.

Last month, my neighbor Doug knocked on my door.

Doug: We need to talk.

Me: About what?

Doug: Your Wi-Fi name.

Me: What about it?

Doug: I've been using that name for five years.

Me: No you haven't.

Doug: Yes I have. Check your networks.

I checked.

There were two networks.

"The Promised LAN" - mine.

"The Promised LAN 2" - his.

Me: You added a 2.

Doug: Because you stole my name!

Me: I've had this name for three years.

Doug: I've had it for five.

Me: Then why does yours say 2?

Doug: Because you took the original!

This was going nowhere.

Me: I'm not changing it.

Doug: Neither am I.

He left.

The next day, I saw a new network.

"The Promised LAN is a Thief."

I changed mine to "Doug Has No Originality."

He changed his to "Thompson Steals Wi-Fi Names."

I changed mine to "Doug's Network is Slower."

This went on for two weeks.

My wife: This is childish.

Me: He started it.

My wife: You're both acting like children.

Yesterday, Doug knocked again.

Doug: Truce?

Me: Truce.

Doug: I'll change mine if you change yours.

Me: Deal.

I changed mine to "Pretty Fly for a Wi-Fi."

Doug changed his to "Hide Yo Kids Hide Yo Wi-Fi."

We're good now.

But I'm keeping an eye on him.

[Sparrow Wallet 🐦 @SparrowWallet]

Unless @Apple's decision to terminate @craigraw's Apple Developer account is reversed by June 30, all new installs of Sparrow will fail, and development on macOS will end. If you value Sparrow, a repost would help. @AppleSupport

[Mullvad.net @mullvadnet]

This is what the UK spyware proposal means.

There must be government spyware on every mobile device. It shall watch everything that happens, including always watching the screen, looking for things the government disapproves of.

When anything is flagged by the software as something the government doesn't like, the software must block it from being sent or displayed (in realtime).

The user of the device must not be able to shut this watching and blocking off. The only way to shut it off would be to ask the government or its proxies to do so for you, at their discretion.

Therefore the whole device must be locked down. Administrator rights and the decision of what software or operating system to run or not to run must be taken from the owner/user and handed to the government and its proxies.

Apple and Google are themselves working hard to lock down the devices they are involved in to shut out competition and establish a duopoly.

The UK government says it is "working closely" with Apple and Google and currently they synchronise and coordinate their communication on this subject.

The UK government is now proposing to mandate what would otherwise be illegal anti-competitive practices.

@GrapheneOS on the Apple and Google duopoly:
https://t.co/rbRmcUDTRu

Statement from @signalapp
https://t.co/vJILcSrs4s

@ReclaimTheNetHQ on the state spyware:
https://t.co/3FCi06bP77

The government announcement:
https://t.co/ynYjR3DIRo

[Walker⚡️ @WalkerAmerica]

Men 250 years ago: “I’ve been drinking Madeira wine, ale, rum, and hard cider since I weened off my mother’s tit. Water? Never touched the poison. On the morrow, I shall overthrow the most powerful empire in the history of the world.

Men today: “I drank a glass of wine and it ruined my life. I couldn’t even podcast. My bracelet told me I was dying.”

[Ethan Brooks @alt_w_v_g]

My wife mentioned a nice private school over dinner this week
She said the campus was beautiful
I asked what's the tuition
She said we should look at it as an investment in him not a cost
I made a note
She said don't make a note
I said I always make notes
She said this isn't a deal
I said everything is a deal
She closed her eyes

She said we'd discuss it Saturday
I agreed

Saturday 7:02am
She came downstairs in her Saturday robe
Coffee in hand
I had my cargo shorts on

The dining room had been cleared
The projector was on
The analyst was at the head of the table
Quarter zip on, three iced coffees, a legal pad, and two laptops
He had been there since 6:44am

I texted him at 11:14pm Friday
The text said dining room 6:45am bring the model
He sent a thumbs up

My wife stopped in the doorway
She said what is this
I said you said you wanted to discuss it
She said this is not a discussion
I did not respond
She sat down anyway

The analyst stood
He said good morning ma'am
She did not respond
He sat back down
A printed deck in front of each seat
A fourth copy in case

Slide 1 Tuition Schedule
$38,500 per year
Thirteen years
$500,500 nominal
Before escalators
The school has raised tuition 4.2% per year for a decade
With escalators $648,000
My wife said okay
I said I'm not done

Slide 2 Opportunity Cost
Even before escalators
$38,500 invested annually
10% nominal return
S&P long-run average since 1928
By his eighteenth birthday $944,000
My wife said we can afford it
I said I know that's not the slide

Slide 3 Terminal Value at Age 65
$83 million
She was quiet

The analyst slid the sensitivity tables across the table
8% return $31 million
10% return $83 million
12% return $222 million
She did not look

She said this isn't about money
I said it's always about money
She said no it isn't
I said then what is it about
She did not answer

She said you can't put a dollar value on his teachers his classmates his environment
I said I can the analyst already did slide 6
He flipped to slide 6
She did not look

She said the school is the best in the city
I said best is a feeling
She said it produces the best students
I said the students were already the best before they got there

She said our son deserves it
I said our son deserves $83 million

My son walked in
He is five
Dinosaur pajamas
He looked at the projector
He looked at the open deck on the table
He looked at slide 3
He said are we modeling pre-tax or after-tax
The analyst opened a new tab
My wife looked at the ceiling

He said what's the discount rate
The analyst set down his pen
She closed her eyes

He said is this the same return assumption from the 529 conversation
The analyst stopped typing
He looked at me
I did not say anything

She stood up
Sat back down

He said dad can I help
I said yes
He pulled up a chair
The analyst handed him a printout
He started reading

My wife watched him read
She watched him for a long time

She said his name
He looked up
She said do you like school
He said the work is too easy and the kids don't ask questions

She did not respond
She looked at the ceiling
She walked out of the room

The analyst started packing up
He said should I follow up Monday sir
I said no follow up needed

He'll be fine

Sent from my iPhone

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

The monthly automated email from IT demanding a password update just ruined my morning.

The system requires 12 characters, a number, an uppercase letter, and a blood sacrifice.

I can no longer use any of my previous 24 passwords.

I've already cycled through the names of my pets, my childhood street, and my favorite bands.

I am officially out of personal lore to secure my access to the company HR portal.

I tried "LetMeIn123!" but the system flagged it as a security risk.

Apparently, I need a special character that isn't a punctuation mark.

What does that even mean?

Do they want me to insert a hieroglyph?

I spent 20 minutes smashing my keyboard until it accepted a string of absolute gibberish.

Now I have a random string of letters written on a sticky note attached directly to my monitor.

I've successfully protected the company data from Russian hackers but made it fully accessible to the janitorial staff.

Next month I'm just going to quit.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

I joined a remote coworking Zoom community to feel less alone and accidentally subscribed to a cult of people who clap at Notion dashboards.

The host opened by asking us to "drop our intentions in the chat."

Everyone wrote stuff like "crush my deep work block" and "ship v1 of my course."

I wrote "answer email 1 of 87 without crying."

The host pinned his screen and revealed a project tracker with 19 color-coded databases.

People actually gasped.

They clapped for a kanban board.

At the 25-minute mark we took a "mindful stretch break" where a stranger in Bali told me to unclench my jaw.

I didn't know my jaw was clenched but now I'm afraid it's been clenched since 2012.

During focus time, the host played lo-fi beats and occasionally whispered "you've got this" like an encouraging ghost.

By the end, everyone shared wins and someone said "I finally launched my funnel."

My win was that I closed Outlook.

They told me that was "valid."

I think I accidentally paid $19/month for permission to be barely functional on camera.

[P.J.⚡🥩 @PaulyJackson101]

@NEEDcreations @SteaknShake Grain fed cows bro

[Pavel Durov @durov]

41 kidnappings of crypto holders in France in 3.5 months of 2026.

Why?

🥖 French tax officials selling crypto owners' data to criminals (Ghalia C.) + massive tax database leaks.

Now the state also wants IDs and private messages of social media users.

More data = More victims.

[P.J.⚡🥩 @PaulyJackson101]

@lllIIIlIlllIIII @Bitwarden LOL you're joking I hope

[P.J.⚡🥩 @PaulyJackson101]

@heynavtoor Bitwarden is solid. Selfhosting means ur now responsible for patching, TLS, intrusion detection, and backups—tasks Bitwardens dedicated security team manages constantly. For 95% of people, the risk of a misconfigured self-host outweighs the risk of a professionally secured cloud

[P.J.⚡🥩 @PaulyJackson101]

@PrestonPysh thanks for all your content mate