Pearl of Decency

Ask your doctor if side effects are right for you

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

Never shake a baby unless the recipe calls for it.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

"Donde esta la biblioteca?" comes in real handy when you need a book you can't understand.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

Never shake a baby unless the recipe calls for it.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

Farts are your dad's Rick Roll.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

FFS! EVERY galaxy is far,far away.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

@DrewBMcMahon1 @godFreeWorld Does God's consciousness mean he needs a god?

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

People who own more than one dog are just too lazy to mop the kitchen floor.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

@_Isaiah_5_20 @AtheistBigfoot As an observer, it looks more like your cognitive dissonance just hit the wall.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

I apologized to the congregation, but I thought yelling "NO WHAMMIES!" was the entire point of a baptism.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

"Donde esta la biblioteca?" comes in real handy when you need a book you can't understand.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

@SandhyaABC7 Stop it, Puddles!
You're killing us.

[Matt Oswalt @MattOswaltVA]

did it drop another house on your sister?

[Steven W Skinner @SkinnerSteven]

Lost my wife’s audiobook and now I’ll never hear the end of it

[Fred Delicious 🍆 @Fred_Delicious]

Women are only interested in one thing. Bees. Unless you're covered head to toe in bees don't bother hitting the club.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

Bailiff: "Your Honor, the next case is the People vs Gary Smith.
Judge: What are the charges?
Prosecutor: Your Honor, this man put white subtitles in front of white backgrounds!"
*Judge slams gavel*
FIFTY YEARS HARD LABOR!

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

When I wave at the woman who was waving at the woman behind me

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

I don't take compliments well because I always feel pressured to give back a compliment and frankly you all suck.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

If it wasn't for Bigfoot, the squirrel population would be totally out of control.

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

me: taps aquarium tank
*fish stares directly at me through the glass*
"HEY, FUCKER! ARE YOU RETARDED? DON'T TAP THE FUCKING GLASS!"
me: *reads sign*
-Trigger fish-

[Pearl of Decency @PearlDithers]

When McDonalds is closed and the only thing open is Dennys.