Peggy

Failed gold-digger

[Peggy @Pegatron]

I bought a larger dish rack, and couldn't wait to get home to use it. Just the thought of being able to dry more dishes got me excited. And that's when I realized that I've been infected with adulthood.

[Peggy @Pegatron]

@GiantEnemyCrab2 😬

[Peggy @Pegatron]

I deserve an Oscar for acting like I didn't know the baby pooped so that dad would change the diaper.

[Peggy @Pegatron]

Older woman saw my baby's blue blanket and concluded "Mommy must've wanted a boy." Despite her superior power of deduction, her observation skill sucked because she failed to notice the pink toque, which, in combo with the blanket, clearly indicated my desire for a hermaphrodite.

[Peggy @Pegatron]

@OllieHynes I'm so sorry to hear that.

[Peggy @Pegatron]

@OllieHynes Are you okay, Ollie?

[Peggy @Pegatron]

@GiantEnemyCrab2 Tell Michael Bay to make a movie out of it.

[Peggy @Pegatron]

What other parents say: "I miss my kids being babies. That was the best age."

What I hear: "It's all downhill from here."

[Peggy @Pegatron]

Society: "We spend too much time on our phones! We must get off them!"

Also society: "Why have you not answered my text? It's been 2 seconds!"

[Peggy @Pegatron]

I'm at the age where I'm old enough not to want much for my birthday, yet young enough to want the older generation to stop calling me to wish me a happy birthday because I hate phone calls.

[Peggy @Pegatron]

Anybody else see Experiment 626, also known as Stitch? https://t.co/0XjxG36gae

[Chris Hadfield @Cmdr_Hadfield]

Thor's Helmet.
Sometimes science is just cool.
https://t.co/jjWB90dfZU (image by Adam Block @ngc1535)

[Peggy @Pegatron]

This Halloween, I'm handing out raisins to any teenager who comes trick-or-treating without a costume.

[Peggy @Pegatron]

@OllieHynes "One Jump Ahead"? I have only seen the movie once.

[Peggy @Pegatron]

@GiantEnemyCrab2 Ugh.

[Peggy @Pegatron]

@kennymatic No gimmick. I was a lazy one.

[Peggy @Pegatron]

@OllieHynes 😀

[Peggy @Pegatron]

The other night, I dreamt that I was one of the Avengers. It still was not as far-fetched as Trump being president.

[Giulio Boccaletti @G_Boccaletti]

Why are trees so important to our cities? @nature_org https://t.co/26LHOPi9Bx

[Peggy @Pegatron]

So @realDonaldTrump keeps tweeting about the NFL, but nothing for Puerto Rico. Way to prioritize flags over your citizens.