Pershia

【 Comic Artist 】Autistic ♀ Obsessed with cats
We all need a place to vent and ask for help.
This is my blog.
((( Maybe I have a problem )))

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

I've wanted to create a personal account for a while now.

I've been thinking that I'd like to keep drawing occasional cat comics. But I also want to be able to vent when I feel like it (sometimes I want to tweet but I don't).

Feel free to comment whenever you want.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

@Alyxendria That's very beautiful, thank you very much.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

(I've written something personal. I'd like to know your honest opinion, please.)

Please.

So.

I'm trying a different approach to storytelling: writing in a continuous flow, without stopping to reread or polish in the moment, almost like a letter or a raw internal monologue.

Here's a test excerpt. As readers, do you think such a direct and visceral style works to sustain a novel (or light novel)? What does it convey to you?

"Okay, yes, I'm nervous, quite nervous to be honest. That's normal, right? I think it's normal to feel this way.

Honestly, sometimes I'm a little off-balance, trying to open up and all that. Many times, even just to get started, I feel an enormous sense of shame. I'd like to try not to think that way and just let out the things I need to release in order to work. The way I want to do things and how I actually do them are very different from what's usually done, so things can often change.

When I try not to think about the things that worry me or anything like that, there's still a certain performance margin lingering in the back of my mind. I try to keep things calm; yesterday I had a catharsis, so the idea today is to prove to myself that I can work without that. If I can, and if I'm capable of working more peacefully, then maybe I can start doing things much better.

Writing a book as if it were a letter is also an option I've been thinking about. It could be a way to connect with what I write without it being a bad thing; although, of course, it's not something I could feel proud of later, because as such it's just a message I'm writing, yet it's the easiest, lightest, and calmest way to be able to write and just relax.

The very act of writing in itself helps me a lot; I feel like it's therapeutic in a certain sense. I like it, it's relaxing and nice. I'd like to just focus on telling more, but I'll end up saying things with redundancies, and in the end what I have to tell will fall short. If it falls short, then it'll be problematic and that worries me; I wouldn't want that. I want to try to make things go well, and that's precisely why I want to avoid straying down paths I can't control.

I suppose many times I even doubt whether what I'm writing makes any sense at all. It embarrasses me to think about it, but I feel happy anyway making the effort; though I think that, at the same time, it doesn't feel like a notable effort, so I don't have a benchmark for comparison. I feel something in my chest as if it were just sitting there still, and I can't really control it.

But honestly, I want to feel total peace of mind from now on regarding the things I want to communicate and do. I suppose that, in a way, working by writing for me simply means staying quiet and letting my thoughts speak for me. That's what's hardest for me and, at the same time, what I'm afraid of.

When it comes to me, chances are I won't find a way to do things better. I'm sure I'll fail and crash into the ground. Detestable, horrible, bad, wicked. Those are things I can end up calling myself for some reason.

Being conscious of what I write doesn't help either. I can't feel any real peace of mind even though I'm trying to find it; I simply try to think things through with greater clarity and calm. If I could work without subjecting myself to bad things, that would be best. I suppose many times the only thing I want is to focus on not failing at what I have to do.

I hate feeling down. I suppose there's more I want to tell. Whew! And on top of that, I make mistakes and try to fix them with other thoughts.

Not remembering what I write is part of what I do in my job. It feels strange. Afterward, I have no reason to remember what I wrote, though I don't know if that speaks well or poorly of me. Honestly, the only thing I want to do is just live in that precise moment where I'm telling things, even though afterward I'm not sure if what I'll write will make sense or not, because, well, I don't think it will.

And stopping to read it… would be a waste of time, or at least that's what I tell myself mentally, when in fact it shouldn't be that way. I suppose I can feel that the things I do aren't good enough, and that's why I try not to think about it much; more than not thinking, it's not remembering.

If I treat myself more gently, I can end up improving—that's the theory. But if I don't make any changes, I'll end up falling into the same mistakes. I can be capable of working without remembering anything, but can I trust that it will be decent, good-quality work? Even if I were to publish something like what I'm writing right now, would it be enough for a novel? At least a light novel? To elaborate, I mean.

Still, I feel nervous. How am I supposed to be sure I'm creating a proper product when I forget what I write? I don't want to remember it either, just narrate it in the moment, and that makes things a bit harder for me. Yet I think part of my fear is just that.

If I'm not able to remember what I wrote because I don't stop to read it, then am I really doing things right? I can't think of any other way than writing silly things that make me feel better. I want to think things through with such clarity that I simply vent and just write like that. But I think I'm so afraid of trying that it ends up giving me a catharsis.

If I could just work without feeling obligated to remember what I've written, could I even make that something respectable? Would anyone respect it? Because, for some reason, I feel like I need someone to let me know, so that it becomes real for me too. Because I don't trust myself, at least not right now."

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

@Kiramasonrr I really appreciate the advice. I feel so relieved to be able to hear someone's feedback. Thank you for taking the time to read my long post. Thank you so much!

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

I'd like to write my stories the way I just wrote that. It's the most comfortable way I've discovered, and it allows me to write without rushing or feeling stressed. But I feel like it's different from before, so people probably won't like it. But it makes me happy.

Except that when I write this way, I can't remember what I've written. It's like I can only retain one sentence in my mind, but that's what allows me to express myself better. But not remembering anything I wrote at the time makes me wonder if it even makes sense.

I'm afraid to express myself freely and comfortably, and that it will be horrible to read.

Because I feel that if I can't remember what I wrote, I can't judge myself. But that's precisely why I like to write this way; I don't judge myself.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

I haven't had lunch today, and I'm feeling a strong urge to hit myself in the head. I'm going to order some food delivery and lie still in bed for a while.

I've had 3 cathartic experiences in the last 2 days.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

I considered buying a 3DS just for Pokémon Sun and Moon, but it's not as fun as a Switch.

(I wish we could play Pokémon Sun and Moon on Switch!! (⁠◍⁠•⁠,,ᴗ⁠,,•⁠◍⁠)

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

Today I overcame a third self-destructive behavior

I usually tend to reject an idea that I haven't written down today, but it's because I felt that if I didn't write with the same emotion, I wouldn't do it well.

However, I learned that doing a job well requires a process, and the important thing is to act professionally.

But above all, accept something. Don't assume that my ideas today aren't as good as yesterday's.

All my ideas are valuable. That's been my conclusion. At least for my work. (Not in a selfish way, but to gain confidence.)

Third self-destructive behavior, healed!

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

Part 2

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

@Axell691 Te lo agradezco mucho :''3

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

I'm going to give up on the idea of ​​writing books in a day or a week. I'll just write peacefully.

It's another destructive habit I'd developed.

Basically, I felt like I had to have some amazing or spectacular skill in case of anything. I was thinking more about a future where what I have might be lost, and with a skill like that, I could survive. But that's not the right approach.

So the healthy thing to do is give it up.

So I'll just write. Focusing on developing the idea well. No more thinking about word counts or comparisons. Just working. Professionally.

It's much better this way.

I feel like it's a chain I've tied myself that I need to break free from.

Thank you for your kindness.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

My iPad doesn't have a pressure function for the pencil. At least for now I can only draw with simple strokes. Anyway, I do the comics in my laptop.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

Testing

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

@Hikarin71 Yeah

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

I feel kind of stupid, honestly.

This is the second self-destructive behavior I've discovered in myself. I know I have more, but every time I discover one, I feel foolish. Because now I see all my mistakes.

But from now on, the idea is to heal from these habits and avoid them.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

I'm going to give up on the idea of ​​writing books in a day or a week. I'll just write peacefully.

It's another destructive habit I'd developed.

Basically, I felt like I had to have some amazing or spectacular skill in case of anything. I was thinking more about a future where what I have might be lost, and with a skill like that, I could survive. But that's not the right approach.

So the healthy thing to do is give it up.

So I'll just write. Focusing on developing the idea well. No more thinking about word counts or comparisons. Just working. Professionally.

It's much better this way.

I feel like it's a chain I've tied myself that I need to break free from.

Thank you for your kindness.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

@Biomorph8888 Thank you so much

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

@Hikarin71 I will write books more calmly, focusing on quality, and I will continue making comics.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

@CottonTales1 Yes. I think that's a very good view. Thank you very much.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

@JacobOwenguy21 You're right. Really thank you.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

In real life I feel very lonely; I guess I wanted to have something to "survive" on. But it only hurts me. It's not healthy.

[Pershia @Pershiabu]

I always try to rush everything.

I tend to embrace speed to project a positive image of myself.

But if it only brings me stress, it's not something I'm going to maintain in the long run. That's why it's better to let it go.