Pete Sleeps

Things my husband Pete says in his sleep. ALL true and verbatim.

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

Don't you peepee in my bed...

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

HAHAHAHAHA NO WAY. NO WAY THIS WORKS AS WELL AS IT DOES.

Me: What does?

THIS GAG! FROM POLICE SQUAD.

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

NEXT SCENE.

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

Nevermind it's just an oiled up thought

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

Get outta there
*farts*

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

Give it here. Give it here. Give it here. THANK YOOOOOOOOOOU.

GET OUT OF THERE

*Taps wife on shoulder*

GIVE ME THAT

"give you what?"

THE LID

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

I'm gonna be acting like an idiot for the next couple of days so sorry for that.

Cause I can't see.

...

Die Hard prequel. I'm sorry.

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

"Am I back?"

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

FUCK the ugly principal.

#thingsmyhusbandsaysinhissleep @CopaExMachina @FlaccidPhoenix @ZaxxTube @CannoliSasqtch @subtledeviancy @JoshuaLMcDonald @MrsSassySasqtch @NerdDollface @VexElectronica @PassItToJana

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

I'm trying to get back to sleep. And that is the mission.

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

Shut up, Steve. You piece of shit. Die in a well.

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

"Guys guys guys guys guys.

Pipe your laundry down. Please."

(The baby was fussing)

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

Get the shit out of your mouth first, then hit me up, dude

@CopaCatania @PassItToJana

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

A lot of knowledge went into how stupid I am

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

HUH!?!?!?!?

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

Oh ladies.

I guess we're not in sync

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

Gross, dude. Just gross. And gross is gross.

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

@PeterJCatania @ThisIsKyleR @CannoliSas @WhiteBearWhitey Yes, Kyle shouldn't be exempt from knowing what is said between the sheets when you're fully asleep. He deserves to know.

[Pete Sleeps @PeteSleeps]

Dear God! They chucked one out of a plane!?

#petesleeps #thingsmyhusbandsays #inhissleep #hottake #leaked