Peter Mayonnaise

Emulsified eggs in a light oil.
Smarter than you.
Radical centrist. Boldly moderate.
Master obfuscator.
Opinions my own...or maybe some billionaire's?

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

Why means-testing is better than universal programs:

1) Leaves industry intact which can lobby to dismantle program later
2) Makes the poors work to prove they deserve benefits
3) Sounds wonkier, makes me look smart
4) Can make me sound "populist," with this clever rhetoric 👇👇

[Lis Smith @Lis_Smith]

.@PeteButtigieg wants to make college affordable for Americans who can’t afford it. He won’t ask Americans who don’t go to college to subsidize it for the children of millionaires and billionaires—>

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

How many gallons of mayonnaise would that buy?

[Kevin Robillard 🇺🇸 @Robillard]

Michael Bloomberg’s March campaign finance report is out:

He ended up spending over $1 BILLION on his presidential campaign.

https://t.co/yMGUJKSoJS

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

@karish4va Mayonnaise!

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

I asked for extra mayo on this poll!

[Rich people ruin everything @FuckYourProfits]

Basically some entitled white dude demanded to speak to the manager because there wasn't enough mayo on his pollwich.

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

It is very rude of him!

[MSDNC @MSDNCNews]

#BREAKING:

Pete Buttigieg calls out Maduro for aggressively placing his country on top of our oil.

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

I hereby endorse myself for President of the United States.

[Andrew Yang🧢⬆️🇺🇸 @AndrewYang]

I hereby endorse myself for President of the United States.

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

If I can't offer rich people ambassadorships in my administration, I'll be stuck running a campaign on pocket change like Bernie Sanders.

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

@bourgeoisalien https://t.co/94vd6kGXsl

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

A vote for me is a vote for the CIA

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

But it's a strong 5th!

[Political Polls @PpollingNumbers]

National Democratic Primary, Among College Students:

Sanders 38% (+1 since last week)
Warren 23% (-1)
Yang 12% (-)
Biden 9% (-)
Buttigieg 8% (-)
Bloomberg 2% (-)

@Chegg/@CollegeInsights Weekly Tracking Poll
https://t.co/VgNcbR01w9

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

A vote for me is a vote for the CIA

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

@Pudnite @MeetMckayla Not if I can help it

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

@eldon_katz If it's not illegal, then it can't be wrong.

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

@cameron_kasky @LiftTheeLeft Diabolical shit is as American as apple pie.

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

@JordanChariton @AbrahamMoe @PeteButtigieg To quote our President: "That makes me smart"

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

That makes me smart.

[Jordan @JordanChariton]

.@PeteButtigieg is now trying to manipulate his average donation amount (which is most certainly high since most of his $ coming from #winecave's) by having a "contest" for who can donate the lowest amount. For a McKinsey consultant...not the most creative https://t.co/8UXN89lKnz

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

@IManley70 @mattresstagging @docrocktex26 @jayrosen_nyu Buh? Those two are my favorites! Beacons of journalism and protectors of democracy!

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

@Biden_1920 Yeah but are you black enough to name one of your proposals after Frederick Douglass?

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

Merry Christmas from Pete's Wine Cave.
We are committed to providing a lump of coal for all who want it, and big presents for all my top donors!

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

@IMLasers @mlukejones @MeetMckayla How dare you sir! I am the genuine article! The real deal! The creamiest mayonnaise!

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

@DonnaMgraduates @JustaCoinToss @PeteButtigieg Your anti-choice rhetoric is very problematic.

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

Proof that the system works!

[Peter Mayonnaise @PeterMayonnaise]

@mlukejones @MeetMckayla I was just riding the bus with Mark Zuckerberg last weekend....oh wait....that was a limousine.

Nevertheless, it Isn't realistic to think public transit can work like libraries. Can you imagine trying to get everyone on the subway to stay quiet all the time?!?