Mister America Captain Baseball Team

Underachieving since 1995

[Mister America Captain Baseball Team @PhLevelBasic]

I thought I had reached peak Straight White Male, but then today I found myself typing "I can't play Dungeons and Dragons on Thursday, I have ultimate frisbee practice."

[Paul Muad’Dib @trygraptor]

no it’s okay sir i know this 70mm showtime of The Odyssey is sold out, i just have to deliver this very large horse-shaped package to someone inside

[Washington Wizards @WashWizards]

Changing our lives once again.

[Benjamin Solak @BenjaminSolak]

There simply is nothing that hits quite like a Celtics loss

[John Doe Ultimate @JohnDoeUlti]

As John Doe gears up for another season, it's time to meet this year's captains!

[Jeremiah Johnson 🌐 @JeremiahDJohns]

Bo Burnham's Inside is not only the best piece of art about COVID, it's probably the defining piece of art for the 2020s (not the best piece of art, but the one that is most quintessentially of this time)

[John Doe Ultimate @JohnDoeUlti]

Another year, another John Doe season! We're excited for another summer of hucks, layouts, and taking slightly more than the medically recommended amount of ibuprofen.

[Christian Britschgi @christianbrits]

It's wild to watch the federal push for more housing collapse in real time b/c of baseless panic about large investors owning homes.

Senate just voted 89-9 to advance an effective ban on build-to-rent homes, which would reduce new supply by an est. 50k a year.

[Chase Hughes @chasedcsports]

The best food neighborhood in the entire D.C. area is arguably Annandale, VA. It’s the Koreatown of the DMV and would be a tourist destination if labeled as such. IYKYK

[No Escalators @NoEscalators]

Indiana was the worst team in college football for 150 years and then they let teams start paying players and they immediately became No. 1 and the only conclusion to draw is they were the only ones who didn’t realize you could pay players under the table for the first 150 years

[Ike Brannon @coachbuckethead]

DC has consciously decided that we can’t build more housing in places where it will affect the ability of older people to find parking in front of their condo

[Ben Crew @BenjaminCrew1]

Average Ernest Hemingway story: To prove his masculinity, Hemingway sailed into a hurricane only to return haunted by a tragic love affair and God's indifference to his despair.
Average F. Scott Fitzgerald story: After his wife called him gay, Fitzgerald slipped on a banana peel.

[Michael Sykes, II @MikeDSykes]

The Wizards could've beaten the Cavs idc idc idc

[Washington Wizards @WashWizards]

One of our franchise all-time greats.
The definition of an era.
A lasting legacy.
A forever Wizard.

Congratulations on your retirement, @JohnWall 💙

[Mister America Captain Baseball Team @PhLevelBasic]

@cooperdb737 Another NFC North team playing indoors. We used to be a proper country.

[Matt Darling 🌐🏗️ @besttrousers]

"they are making a map without community input"

...

????

[John Doe Ultimate @JohnDoeUlti]

Doe ‘25

[Henry Butz @Henry_Butz]

Cooper Lutkenhaus made the world team to get out of cross country. Ultimate big brain 800m runner move

[Mister America Captain Baseball Team @PhLevelBasic]

Wizards trading for Kelly Olynyk

[Shams Charania @ShamsCharania]

The New Orleans Pelicans are trading CJ McCollum, Kelly Olynyk and a future second-round pick to the Washington Wizards for Jordan Poole, Saddiq Bey and the No. 40 pick, sources tell ESPN.

[Keith Black Trudeau @Charlottean28]

This is not a basketball problem. It’s not even a market problem.

This is a marketing problem. The NBA’s media partners have failed them, both on game nights and in between. The promotion is awful, and so is the presentation. They do absolutely nothing to draw people in.