Phasmatodea

20 :)
some sort of swamp creature
bad bad bad

[Phasmatodea @Phasmatodean]

@killmefam it should :(

[aeschines @PseudoAeschines]

I find it strange that some people feel ashamed of being recognized as a regular. Being a regular at your local establishment is one of the easiest ways to cultivate reciprocal goodwill and civic friendship. It feels good to see familiar faces! They make the city feel alive.

[autist @litteralyme0]

me to my friend after he told me to stop texting back the girl who broke my heart 3 times

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

hey man, sorry i was stupid & evil last night. i’m stupid & evil

[MJ🕷️ @talibandithavin]

Keep goin till u feel nothing.

[Ricky Hollywood @victim_burn77]

When you smoke a lot of weed as a kid you end up making the spots the way native Americans did like let’s meet up at Big Tree

[retarded jew @retarded_jew]

peak male lifestyle - pacing around your spacious studio apartment with all the blinds closed abusing alcohol and stimulants while listening to music and staring at charts 24/7 only going to sleep for 2 hours at a time just enough to prevent you from getting a heart attack

[Raiden Ei Strap Game @yuritardedasl]

i really want a gf but im kind of a horrible person so instead i allow myself to fantasize about women for 20 minutes a day and then i go about my business

[Phasmatodea @Phasmatodean]

I miss when i had it going on well enough to not ask about the price of liquor

[Cornelius Webster @DONTEVENGOLOL]

getting an adderall prescription so i can interrupt women faster and talk over them louder

[Nadia @nonamenadia]

every time i have a productive day i reward myself w a 3 day bender

[Tony Roundtree @Tonywithyy]

Bartender saying “There he is”

[Phasmatodea @Phasmatodean]

Every week I discover a new way that I'm my father

[𝔦🪆 @angelicdeed]

and yes your best friends should let you beat the dead horse as long as you fucking want without making you feel shamed

[Phasmatodea @Phasmatodean]

undertale soul quiz :)

[丂Ҝㄖㄖ爪卂 @Skooma_Beast]

Good night

[tasman @lildorothy_]

(on a date) i'm really easygoing you can kill me if you want

[Dani @manlikedani]

People last night couldn’t believe how funny and charming I was after getting way more drunk than everyone else. They looked at me in awe as I made sexual jokes and witty remarks about their personal lives, inbetween long anecdotes that I repeated several times, louder each time