Dylan 🧦

Staying dry one day at a time. Remember, if you don’t sin Jesus died for nothing!

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

My kid: "why can't we have pancakes for dinner?"
Me: "YEAH WHY TF CAN'T WE HAVE PANCAKES FOR DINNER"
My future wife: *screaming inside*

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

@e_wineland Oh damn fair I don’t wanna get Boeing’d 😂

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

Hot take: I think tax returns should accrue interest. If I’m paying in more than I need to for taxes and the govt is gonna give it back then they should pay interest on the loan.

[emily 💗 @yappyemily]

my power has been out since 2:00pm yesterday and no repair time has been given. not even an estimate. I just called and was told there’s nothing that can be done. we’re going to have to throw away hundreds of dollars in spoiled food and ruined medications. I hate you @OGandE

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

Me to my new puppy

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

@Alassettt Super fun man 🤪

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

Me: takes a week long California vacation
My work literally 10 minutes into me being back: "you've been randomly selected for a drug screening!"
😐😐😐😐

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

If you board a flight and all you have is a backpack and you put it in the overhead bin, you're a piece of shit full stop

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

My dad in 2024: I really don't understand where you got all of these leftist ideas
Also my dad but in 2004: so this band is called rage against the machine

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

Reading the Teletubbies Wikipedia to my wife in bed was not on my 2024 bingo card but I'll use it on my wild

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

#SportingKC

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

Me to a coworker: hey are we having a meeting today?
Them: I haven't heard anything about a meeting and don't you DARE bring it up to anyone

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

Y'all, the unfettered access I get to places in fort smith with just a high vis vest and confidence is insane. Not one time has a place actually asked me for my city credentials 😂

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

Me in the bio lab getting stabbed in the finger by something in a hazmat bag: 😧
Me realizing the bag came out of the autoclave so it's all sterile: 🤙🏻🤙🏻🤙🏻

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

If you schedule a meeting at 3pm on a Friday you're a monster

[Sporting Kansas City @SportingKC]

A STOP ON THE DOORSTEP!

Tim Melia keeps St. Louis off the board!

Watch #SKCvSTL live on @AppleTV 👉 https://t.co/k53kFYVOP4

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

Caught up on @glasscannonpod Strange Aeons last night and today there's a category on jeopardy called "she blinded me with science" I fully believe we live in a simulation. @heyskid

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

*me taking my arthritis meds* this one is because my body is falling apart
*me taking my anxiety med* and this one is because my mind is falling apart

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

Anytime I hear a baby boomer say the words "millennial" or "gen z" it immediately turns into that sound the adults in charlie brown make

[Troy Lavallee @troylavallee]

If you’re a friend of mine, a friend of the Network, and/or anywhere in between, come join us tomorrow night for the start of a new era. Share it. Subscribe. Tell your friends. It’s go time! https://t.co/0ei8zzcsrH

[Dylan 🧦 @Phransisco]

Did someone drop a highlighter on the field? Because I'm pretty sure that's trash and not a referee. #SKCvSTL