Funny Jokes

Welcome to Phunny Jokes! We bring the comedy to your Twitter timeline! Follow for the best jokes on Twitter or visit our site!

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What did the daddy Buffalo say to the baby Buffalo when he left for work?
“Bison”

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I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused. Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

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I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

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A friend asked me: “Why do you wear Velcro shoes instead of laces?” I responded “Why knot?”

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I went to this new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu they just give you what you deserve.

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I suffer from kleptomania. It’s fine though, I take something for it.

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What’s the best part about Switzerland?
Well their flag is a big plus.

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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden...
The plot thickens.

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You can't run in a campground, you can only ran because it's past tents.

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I had a dream about a horse last night, turned out to be a night mare.

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I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

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My neighbors listen to awesome music..... Whether they like it or not.

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You can tell the sex of an any by dropping it in water.
It sinks: girl ant....
It floats: boy ant

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Why do college girls failing their classes sleep with their professors? Cause they want the D

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Where do bees go to the bathroom? The BP station.

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What sexual position makes an ugly baby?

Ask your parents

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I just saw a group of people all watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The man was good too, he really knew how to draw a crowd

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Me: Do you have a book for men with small penises?

Librarian: I don't know if it's in yet.

Me: Yeah that's the one.

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I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

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Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them. Life is hard for the visually impaired.