Santa Fucking Claus

You once believed in me. When you were a little tike. Now follow me before I stuff reindeer shit down your chimney.

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

I hate funerals! Unless my wife dies... best day ever. #MerryChristmas

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

Just woke from a long nap with cum on my beard. WTF?

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

Fuck these assholes in #Boston. You're getting a fist up your anus this #Christmas ya #Jerks

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

I'll punch you in the face for speaking to me like that you cunt!

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

@_TeamKatyPerry_ - Please stop following me. I hate Katy Perry and therefore, you.

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

RT this if there's currently a fat guy in a red suit pissing off the top your roof. Yes, that means you.

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

Currently watching ESPN naked. All afternoon

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

Why the FUCK do iPhones change "Yo" to "To" every god damn time.

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

I hate driving in the snow. I will likely die tonight.

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

I want some tits in my mouth!

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

Damn return policies. What do you mean I'm out of warranty? Fuck You!

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

I've registered my flying sleigh with Delta and the US aviation authority. I'm currently earning frequent flyer miles while delivering gifts

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

Airport food is disgusting!!!!! I'd rather lick snow off my boots for a snack.

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

Is it wrong to have 3 happy hour beers on your lunch break? #FuckIt

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

WHY IS THIS STORE STILL PLAYING CHRISTMAS MUSIC?!!!!!??!!

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

Wife got me a beard-n-mustache trimmer for #Christmas. I threw it in the dumpster and pissed on her brand new dress. #HappyNewYear #Hoes

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

Although the #Holidays are officially over (thank you Jesus) I'm continuing to drink heavily for good measure. #2013 #FuckIt

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

What's with these fucking pushy retail/sales people?!! If I need your help or want to buy some shit... I'll find you!

[Santa Fucking Claus @PissedOffSanta]

Everywhere I visit it fucking snows. Every time. #FML #2013 #Sucks