Josh Machiz

Musician, Comedian, Showrunner, Babysitter

Follow on IG & Subscribe on YouTube
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[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

Don't be alarmed, I'm not actually licking the rock. It's forced perspective, I am licking the air.

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

Saw someone wearing an O.J. Simpson Jersey at tonight's Pig Iron show, what does that mean!?

#ojsimpson

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

Taking my recycling on @septa to NJ

Am I doing this right @PhillyMayor?

#philly #philadelphiatrashstrike #philadelphia

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

Eagles fans are going to climb the poles whether they're greased or not so it's really dangerous to grease the poles.

Philly should just put ladders and harnesses on all of them so climbing the poles is safer.

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

If someone who plays for the Sixers is a Sixer, Lakers a Laker, Celtics a Celtic etc. Does that make someone who plays for the Orlando Magic a Magician?

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

The Eagles should just give up their playoff spot to a team that wants to be there

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

A haunted house, but it's just waking up every morning in 2023

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

Well, that was quite the season finale of Hard Knocks

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

I have to take I-95 to a gig tomorrow, so I guess I'll leave now

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

Succession is just Gilmore Girls with Finance Bros

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

While I was cutting my fingernails on the sidewalk before my gig in Wilmington, DE, a woman approached me because she thought I was Common (the rapper).

Not only did this lady think I was Common, but she thought Common was cutting his finger nails on a sidewalk in Wilmington, DE

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

The sky on the East Coast-
It's a beautiful 70 degree spring afternoon

April Fools!
Tornado Watch

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

How are we supposed to concentrate on our taxes when we can watch unlimited 2nd halves of basketball games?

#MarchMadness #NCAATournament

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

@GOP Oh, I get it, this is an ironic tweet

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

Wow, Jamie Lee Curtis just got slapped so many times at the Oscars!

Oh wait, those were just clips from Everything Everywhere All At Once.

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

Today I bought a mattress that should last at least 25 years, so at 37 years old, I just bought the bed that might be my death bed.

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

@jaimesochic Settled on an engagement ring

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

What gift should I get my hand for Valentine's Day?

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

Roses are red

Violets are green

I am color blind

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

I don't really care about the Super Bowl, but I want to say sincerely that I am rooting for the Philadelphia buildings and cars

Don't destroy my property, please

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

@jaimesochic Same

[Josh Machiz @PlayWith_Machiz]

I’ve been hoarding eggs and toilet paper since April 2020 if y’all need any

Side note: when you come to get the eggs, can you help me figure out why my apartment smells bad?