I had the polycule, I went to the polycule. I went to the board game night, I had it all. and I looked at it and i said, this is a bigger jail than I just got out of
HEARTBREAKING:
girl is treated exactly the way it contasntly begs to be treated, winds up drunk, horny, and slobbering all over itself. ugly cries in mommy's arms.
if you're victimized in life, especially as a child, then people will only ever look down on you in disgust in the exact same way they do your abusers.
your presence as someone with maladaptive behaviors and mental structures as a result of abuse is treated as an innnate disease or continuance of that abuse. seeing your face in itself becomes mentally akin to witnessing rxpe or torture in the way your lived experiences and the lasting results of it continue to exist in your personality, thoughts, and mannerisms.
i've seen CSA victims being told to kill themselves because they're "more likely to offend and repeat that cycle of violence" because they were victimized. it is not just being abused and rxped and the mental and physical damage you sustain from that which sticks with you now as a victim, but also the continual labelling and mental disgust that people throw onto you and associate you with as a result of someone else's actions. it is as though you are assaulted twice over.
this is especially and uniquely true for those who's abusers were familial and/or incxstous, and triple so in the cases in which drug or substance addiction/abuse was a present factor in the relationship or assault. you are inherently forever stained in the minds of the public by the innate act of incxstous rxpe in which you are the victim, and inherently linked to that behaviors on a percieved genetic level by others. if your father was a drug addict who abused you then people view you as someone who's bound to become an equally abusive drug addict, either through "genetic propensity" or by a way of coping.
your social inabilities directly link back to that series of events for those around you and the best possible reaction they can give you is pity and patience, but more often than not it is loathing for your having been subject to a life and/or life experience that would leave you so inept at all. feeling uninvested in life or that you'll never be able to truly "move past" what's happened to you is met with productivity concerns, urges for you to "just get on and get over it" and when inevitably those demands are left unmet then they often turn to dragging you along in life, bare face against pavement as you watch everyone ahead of you whisper about what a drag you are while refusing to leave you behind to find peace and quiet on your own out of "kindness."
cries for help become 'manipulation tactics', inadequacy becomes 'not trying', coping mechanisms of any kind are labelled only under the category of self harm, and most of all the rage that you feel for yourself and for the world and for the people who've done this to you is scowled at as you're told forgiveness is the only good "christian" solution.
the people who were complicit in your abuse, the other parent, the grandparents, the teachers, the lawyer, the mandatory reporters, the people who knew what was going on and stood by out of their own personal fear that your abuse might inconvenience them, who left you to fight on your own as they turned the other way in neglect, those are the ones who will despise you the most, just your name to them is a reminder of what they've done, or more likely what they didn't do, and that embarrassment and self pity becomes all you are, better left buried and forgotten.
no one cares about your rotted teeth from the years of childhood neglect, or your torn apart pevlic floor and self wetting that comes with that from having objects forced in you before you can even properly spell your own name. no one cares that you weren't given a proper education as a child or that you were kept in a cage and disallowed from having friends or learning to communicate properly. if you are a dysfunctional broken thing as a result of what other people have done to you then you might as BE those people yourself, because polite society will never ever want anything to do with you.