Fake Pooh

All I have to say is, well, may the wood of your coffin, come from a tree, that is yet to be planted.

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

I said, “Mind your own business, you little brat!” I hated those little Girl Scouts anyway.

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

I don’t want to go and fool with this walker. Everyone will say, “Oh lookout, here comes Pooh! Don’t trip Pooh! Oh Lord, Pooh fell!”

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

Nobody would be able to abduct me. But if they are good looking, then I’d say, “take me!”

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

If I’m going to have company, I want it to be a man!

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

You know what they say…You sing at the table and whistle in bed, the goblins will get you before you’re dead. That’s an old Kentucky saying!

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

Is that a butt pack or whatever you call it? (It’s a fanny pack)

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

*ding ding* What does this mean when my phone says, “unable to install updates?”

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

I’m your great grandma? Oh sh*t!

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

My house looks like a funeral parlor; I’ve got flowers ‘til who laid the chunk!

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

I hope I’m still around. I might not be! This might be my swan song!

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

Tim said I have to keep having fires because he has wood until who laid the chunk!

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

What’s on my birthday list? A good looking younger man!

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

Next month I’ll be 93 and…wait, 94? Well shit.

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

This pumpkin butter is good! I don’t like pumpkin, but it’s good!

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

I’d like to find a nice man but no one’s as old as me. I had a friend but by God he got Covid! He was OK. But that was the end of that.

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

I’m about to be 93. Oh 94? Well shit, what’s a year!

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

If I thought I could die from an ear infection, I’d take this 3lb bar of chocolate and eat the whole thing! Nothing’s better than Hershey’s.

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

“Tim, I just wanted to know when the hell you’re coming back!” Click. “He wasn’t there.”

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

I’m not going to live that long. I'll just put my head in the toilet or something!

[Fake Pooh @Pooh_Reed]

They don't care if I come to the service, they just want my money.