Poopmaster6000

I got 6000 problems and poop ain't one.

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

@SalemReporter I’d just like to remind everyone to take this contest seriously. Names can be impactful, and can lead to early retirement. Ask me how I know.

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

@KATUNews I’d just like to remind people that this is serious business. Names are forever, and they matter.

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

@jimmyfallon My job was to clean bird poop from Portland city sidewalks. To save $ the city rebranded the mess as "artisanal guano," so now I'm just an unemployed crap Zamboni. #WhyIGotFired

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

Winter storm crows. Even I have to admit this is a beautiful image (photo by C.S.I. Berg from the 12th Floor of the Portland Police Bureau.)

[Bird Alliance of Oregon @BirdAllianceOR]

If you find dead or dying crows, call Portland Audubon at 503-292-0304 between 9am-5pm. DO NOT handle dead or sick crows. Portland Audubon is offering a $1,000 reward for information that leads us to identifying the cause of this crow mortality event.

[Mike Benner @MikeBennerPDX]

The Portland Audubon Society has launched an investigation after crows are seen falling from the sky. Have you witnessed this?? https://t.co/sSLRdJfWY0

[Bird Alliance of Oregon @BirdAllianceOR]

Yesterday we began receiving reports of dead and dying crows in NE Portland. While it cannot be confirmed until the birds have been tested, the deaths are consistent with intentional or unintentional exposure to toxic substances. FULL STATEMENT: https://t.co/rDctvVfz6d

[chrisliedle @chrisliedle]

Portland Audubon Society offering up to a $1,000 reward for information leading to the cause of the birds' sudden death. Poisoning is a possibility. https://t.co/DEhQGadqiJ #LiveonK2

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

Crows don't make my job any easier, but they do bring job security. Something or someone is poisoning them. It's awful. https://t.co/dqShx3NnPJ There's a $1k reward offered for info on the killer. Don't handle dead or sick crows, but do call 503-292-0304 right away.

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

@PDXCarla My best solution was to try and market it to @7eleven as Portland-flavored Slurpees but the idea isn't getting much traction.

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

Winter storm crows. Even I have to admit this is a beautiful image (photo by C.S.I. Berg from the 12th Floor of the Portland Police Bureau.)

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

@DirectorCarey @OPB Oh, @OPBTOL! I <3 that show. I like how they use their outside voices.

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

@RousseauBrian @OPBmorning @DaveMillerOPB Thanks for the mention!

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

@DirectorCarey @OPB Wait, wait, don't tell me. Was it on State of Wonder? Because all things considered, that'd be a breath of fresh air!

[Sandy Sycafoose @SandySycafoose]

@Poopmaster_6000 Of course if the hawks just scare the poop out of the crows, you'll have some sweet overtime!!

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

My position on crows just got hawkish https://t.co/9jgR25pMhn Thanks Integrated Avian Solutions!

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

It's #NationalBirdDay and I don't give a sh*t! I would if I could, believe me...all over everything they love. When is #PoopmasterDay? Huh?

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

When I fret about job security, I remember @realDonaldTrump's twitter, an infinite source of nasty, messy sh*t that needs eliminating. Whew!

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

I'll use his name: David Tennant! #DavidTennant! Here's his full name: David John McDonald Tennant M20 Integrated Rider Sweeper-Scrubber :) https://t.co/rYfd0V8rUs

[Poopmaster6000 @Poopmaster_6000]

Wow! @ThePortlandTrib buried the lede! https://t.co/8hbrJ5HGOi I AM AVAILABLE FOR PRIVATE RENTAL