I had this crazy ass dream this morning when I was sleeping. I caught a darn cold a couple days ago and decided to sleep in.
In the dreamI got a portable jacuzzi and I went behind this real industrial area and used their hose and somehow it was hot to fill up my jacuzzi. I saw all these video cameras around and a good looking security guy came by and told me I had to pack it up and while I was putting the jacuzzi back in my car he came up from behind me and started rubbing my ass. His dick was super hard, Inwas already naked and he stuck it in. My car was a convertible and we started fucking like crazy and people started to gather around. And watch. He ended up cumming inside, pulled out and had more that he splattered all over my tits and it dripped down all over me. God I miss banging sex so much!!! #wetdream #hornyaf
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Got new big girl panties yesterday when I was shopping. Steve Madden is everywhere still, lol!
In the morning I listen to all sorts of different stuff but today I was listening to a woman talk about karma. When you screw somebody over when you're a narcissist, that's why they have to keep moving from supply to supply so quickly. They're running from their Karma. Being a narcissist is not a nice way to live a good life. So that's one of the reasons that they glom on to good people especially empaths. The better the person is, the more they want to stop karma from getting them by being around a good person and high level empaths are a challenge to them because they really have to keep that mask on very snug so it's more enticing and fun for them to see if they can take down a high level empath. This is not just human level stuff. We're souls and we have spirits and when you're a dirty no good narcissist, and you see a good soul, it's battle on a spiritual level. That may sound crazy to some people but just think about it. It's not just good person versus bad person. The narcissist's demons rage inside of them. Who knows what the statistic is but I bet you every narcissist had something really traumatic happened to them as a child. It's a defense mechanism that they learned to build around them. So when they see that really Sweet, kind, loving, spiritual, soft person, they want what that person has because they are lacking it. They don't love that person. My ex used to literally say he wanted to unzip me and be inside of me and that was besides having banging sex. He literally wanted to go inside of me. Because it's a dark cold place. And to be able to be around somebody who gives you light and goodness and love that you didn't have growing up and you haven't had in your past relationships, it feels really good. I get the appeal. What I didn't know is that I mistook that for love. Again it wasn't love. It was a damaged soul trying to fix themselves by taking what they could from someone who has so much love to give. I am love. What I do all day everyday is love. I have 3 lovely offspring that I would do anything and have done things that people judge me on. But that's not going to stop me from doing everything in my power to provide my lovely offering with the most beautiful upbringing that I can provide to them because I want to leave this world better. And by providing well-balanced, kind, confident, hard-working lovely offspring the world is a better place. I never ever wanted to be the cause of somebody breaking up. I'm not a psycho bitch like a lot of women that I know. I know women who will intentionally go after a man because she is jealous of the woman that he's with. I never was. Firstly, I would want a man who's not able to bebstrong enough to leave his #1 before being with me. Because that just puts me in that #1 spot & a man who doesn't have enough strength or self-control, he'll eventually circum to more supply. But to this day I would never screw over a guy over if I was a side piece and things didn't go well. Unless he hurt my lovely Offspring in some sort of way then it's game on but other than that, if I helped a man decide that he wanted to stay married but he didn't want to continue our relationship, that's cool. I did my job, LOL!! The grass isnt always greener on the other side but sometimes it does take going over there to realize what you have. But once you realize it and if you keep going to other pastures, then you're just an addict. Anyways I'm at work again. I have not been able to officially start my vacay. So I'm back in the grind. I think they just don't want us to have enough time to go out and find money job, lol!๐Happy hump day!!
If you have a really nice stable home life, most people know that if they cheat, that home life will eventually be destroyed. And if you cheat and you know your women knows and she's not ending things, it's because she is using you. One time when I caught my ex cheating, but he was actually paying rent and helping me, I could have shut my mouth and gone along with everything and let him keep doing what he was doing in order to keep getting the rent. I tried for about 4 days to act like I knew nothing but every time he opened his mouth and I knew it was a lie, it was like a big slap in my face. He knew that I knew that he knew and even though I needed the financial help, I
couldn't fake it. I would rather sell my beautiful home than sleep next to someone that was giving themselves to others. Sex is not just banging and cumming. Its a spiritual exchange between souls. And what he was doing by being intimate with someone else, he was bringing that person close to me. And the people he was fucking, I didn't want to be friends with much less have him bring a piece of their soul into my four walls and into my bedroom. I knew that when we were having sex, he was thinking about that other person. He always ran out to get a soda and cigarettes after sex, and he would be calling or texting that person, making them think that they were special. I wasn't special because he knew he already had me. The special one was the one being chased. I was just the sap thinking we were building a life when really we were just building a house of cards. I look back on all the pictures, and I can feel the deceit through the pictures. I remember the stressful feeling that was happening internally when the picture was shot. He new what was going to be the outcome of cheating because he had done it for 35 years. People don't change.
I may be alone but I have peace. Peace of mind. Peace of heart. Peace of soul. I love deeply but if you don't have peace 99% of the time in your own own, what's the point of being here??
I felt pretty tonight. I had absolutely nothing to wear๐คฆ๐ผโโ๏ธ๐ป