Statistically Unlikely

Chattanooga comic and eccentric pressure washing tycoon

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

I’d never talked to Cameron before last Tuesday but he’d seen me on EFF, asked if I could record a podcast real quick, and 2.5 hours later he had more info about me than you’d ever need. We really got into it because I barely understand personal boundaries.

[Cameron Lee Cowan @cameroncowan]

Exvangelical Talk with Comedian Donnie Marsh https://t.co/aPg80JZY2u

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

@JeffSharlet @marcmaron @joegross Her new one, Crowd Pleaser. I think it’s her best, and I can’t recommend watching the Special Special Special from 2012 enough.

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

@KSPrior @hlgriffin Any time anyone doesn’t want you to read a book, you should probably read that book, even if only to find out why they’re so afraid of it.

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

The new Hillsong documentary is actually the 5th season of Barry and it’s incredible.

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

Having a civil war isn’t going to bring back Blockbuster Video or MySpace or your youth, I don’t care what anyone’s told you

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

Christina Ricci is Italian for Christian Rock

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

@PapiHustle @Mediaite Waiting to hear Big Nick to weigh in before I make my decision

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

Oh no they put Kendall Roy in charge

[vibe instructor✌🏾🐝 @Vanessa_ABee]

classic case of solution in search of a problem

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

@cop_rad The Waffle House order of kings, but it’s all about the toast when you mop that nasty boy up at the end

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

Dear gun nuts, there are 79 public schools in my county alone, and even more private schools and daycares. 44k students and 2800 teachers over many acres of campuses. There aren’t enough armed guards who can pass a background check to protect that, let alone funding, so get real.

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

The only chance you have of raising a decent person is to be one yourself, and you appear incapable of that. The efficacy of harsh punishments and strict schools is a delusion that panders to your ego.

Not that I think this about any parents I know, you’re all doing great!

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

@RepMattGaetz This may be the most purely wicked thing you’ve ever proposed.

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

I fixed a refrigerator at my new job today, and no one is more surprised than I am

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

@gravybabypod This was supposed to happen to Matt Gaetz, I have to get a new witch doctor

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

Me: I’m not going to be one of those people who thinks it’s “weird” that they’re aging at the same rate as everyone else in history

Also me: How am I older than Mr. Belding on Saved By The Bell

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

@repkevinhern After Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction ended my dream of being a professional musician, I started an Etsy that sold motivational socks and failed miserably. But now I manage the world’s 4th largest museum of rodent history. We have a statue of you. Never give up.

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

@gravybabypod He’ll quit after the first time he gets brutally roasted by the comic after him. A locker room full of guys who have to laugh at his jokes or get traded is the worst possible preparation for an open mic. It’ll be brutal

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

Why is it so hard for people to accept an obvious miracle from God???

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

@no_names_puto Great googly moogly

[Paul Fairie @paulisci]

In 1904, the Daily Oklahoman published a column by James Clyde Wallace, a palmist & psychic, where readers could send their initials, birthday & a handwriting sample and get their horoscope read & handwriting analyzed.

The best part was that he didn't feel the need to be polite.

[Statistically Unlikely @PortableDonnie]

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy but you look mad
It must be nice to be so judgmental
You know, you sound just like your dad