mads

art!

[Demshiza @D3MSHIZA]

do left handed people still have penis’s

[@ratlimit @ratlimit]

Why is it called “no-fault divorce”, when there is almost always a child at fault?

[James “Chadderall” Cheswick @cranialfissure]

Women love short-form entertainment until my 5’9 friend tries chatting them up

[Wong @Wong235929]

I'll see you when the wrath comes around.
( I won’t be missing you. )

[silv 🐴💫 @nirvancia]

DAILY AFFIRMATIONS:

I DID flush the toilet
I AM wearing pants
I did NOT forget my keys
I left my shower curtain AND my closet OPEN so I can see if someone’s there
There are NO cockroaches
I did NOT pee myself
I do NOT have kidney failure
I am NOT having a heart attack or stroke

[sunsetrider @zunzetrider]

Gettin neck at costco I call it kirkland

[🎮 @foreeeeeal]

my boyfriend is ABSOLUTELY REFUSING to do this sex position where he sits at the piano and plays a song about me and i lie on the bed and shed a single perfect tear

[𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 @KLobstar]

getting absolutely pissmogged by what I assume is a horse in the stall next to me

[Fallon @filthtofilth]

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

[Snarcasm Queen @MoreOrLessAMess]

Your kids will not thank you for this, neither will your husband. You will develop resentment over not being properly appreciated for sacrifices you weren't asked to make and your family will be baffled when you one day explode at them.

[Jodie @JodieWoahdie]

Crazy how every male run religion on planet earth is like "God says I'm in charge and He also said we need to fuck"

[Milk Ape 🦍 @milk__ape]

violent gorilla attack

[새우깡 @KhdPchin]

아머러

[H A I F A 🇵🇸 @ih8diosa]

yall keep playing with that cyclospora shit tb u wanna lose weight . They finna find u deceased on the latrine with shit up ur back like they found Elvis

[Adam‼️ @door_insurance]

Evenings are for FUN. Work is for GOING ON YOUR PHONE.

[faget83629031852 @faget9261530128]

a little baby deer just said he would whoop my ass

[Louise Jensen Duffy (also Ernest Jensen) @LouiseWeebe]

You’re listening to Sisyphus FM, the home of non-stop rock.

[chompy 🔞 🎃 @silliest_sinner]

holding your fat butt with both of my hands like a burger

[cav empty @cavempty_]

are the minions unionized