The Poulsbonaut

Serving real fake news from Poulsbo to Forks and Port Townsend to Port Orchard. Since 1857.

Founder: @h_0_g
Editor: @hewv

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Authorities Unveil New West Sound Stereotypes for the 2021-22 Season

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WALL STREET—NASDAQ Sees 5 Point Uptick Per Coronavirus Death

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POULSBO—Heroic Woman Awarded With Spontaneous Applause and Key to the City for Loudly Pointing Out Maskless Shopper

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BREMERTON—Manette Bridge's Lack of Obscene Graffiti Considered a Disgraceful Embarrassment to Bremerton's Longstanding Rebel Community

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SEQUIM—Dad Burying Family Cat in Corner of Backyard Stumbles Across Forgotten Treasure Trove of Previous Family Cats

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FORKS—Bigfoot-Themed Gas Station Unsurprisingly Offers Bigfoot-Themed Crap for Sale

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Shelton Prisoner Vigorously Studies "All Sorts of Bible Crap" in Preparation for Parole Hearing

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GORST—Struggling Spittoon Manufacturer Can't Wait Until Everyone Can Freely Spit Again

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Sorry for the lack of fake Kitsap news lately. Our entire crack team of reporters got stuck petting this dog for 10 days straight as part of an investigative journalism experiment to see if she would ever get tired of being petted.

Report: She did not, and she is very fluffy.

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TP WEEKENDER—No. 224

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SILVERDALE—School Assholes Innovate New Distance-Bullying Methods Adhering to 6 Foot Rule

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Poulsbo Retiree Casually Blames Computer's Slowness on Russian Cyberterrorism

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TP WEEKENDER—Area Ghosts Bored of Haunting the Same Old Port Gamble Residents

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BREMERTON—Olympic College Traditionalists Concerned About Stunning Drop in Binge-Drinking Over the Past Year

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OLYMPIA—B-Boys Thrilled as State Reps Accidentally Pass Relief Package for Tax Break Dancing

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Bremerton Opens New Malt-Liquor-Only Store to Rave Reviews

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Mysterious Order of Warrior-Monks Descends From Mist-Covered Mount Deception to Deliver Ancient Scroll to Some Quilcene Loser

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Port Orchard Private Detective Celebrates Thousandth Adulterer, Zeroeth Hot Dame Murder Mystery

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Port Townsend Coffee Shop's Cast of Employees Described as a "Machiavellian Soap Opera of Political Maneuvering"

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Hood Canal Salmon Population Lobbies for Orca Culling

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POULSBO—Elderly Martha and Mary Resident Captivates Relatives With Thrilling Story About Waffles Being Served Despite it Not Being 'Waffle Wednesday'